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Poetic Justice?

Submitted by Blockedwriter on Wed, 2013-10-02 06:36

I am an emcee, so my form and structure may be different to the norm.

I put the pen to the paper, eludes-to-expression..
Inks sinking heavy into the scroll,
Excuse-my-aggression..
My illusions inception, people's moves-that-I-question..
Forced to act like a quarter back, watch the dude-intercept-in..
Drop, back inspecting.. Like a camera, call me the analyst..
Like Rex I'm too busy inspecting, no time for the cannibus..
They mad-at-us, I keep my thoughts to myself, no evangelist..
I keep it smooth yet complex, start
for when I plan-to-bust..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Blockedwriter

Thu, 2013-10-03 09:32

Blockedwriter's picture

Beauregard, thanks for the feedback!
In response to your questions, which are very reasonable questions -

With the usage of hyphens, i feel as if it creates a visual emphasis to the construction of the multi-syllable rhyme scheme, one which i quite heavily incorporate within my work. I would definitely say these words faster, it mainly depends on the scenario - as reading out loud, my writing style is generally tailored towards, verbal/audio performance - a Rap.

This is obscure, may even be irrelevant as most of the audience wouldn't be aware of this 'Rex; that i mention, REX - is a dog. (German Sheppard, a police dog) from an international show 'Inspector Rex' - The connection drawn would be more to the traits of the character, an analytical perspective - Relevance in the scenario - ziltch.

Thanks for the feedback,
Will have plenty more to come.
(Better content)
- Blocked.

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2013-10-03 13:11

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

an impressive first post. Yes it works read fast as when I first heard it. I assumed the reference was to Inspector Morse, for some strange reason.

You clearly have a lot to offer.

A hint for this site, read other's poems and offer constructive feedback. We are here to improve our craft, not back-slap. The more you give the more you get. You will feel shy at first, however everyone values your input.

Check out the workshops, there is something for everyone. One can never stop improving one's poetry.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Eduardo Cruz

Tue, 2013-10-08 15:45

Eduardo Cruz's picture

I like your stepping away from yourself to see the picture that you live.
I enjoy this line that for me is a proclamation of your understanding of self.

"They mad-at-us, I keep my thoughts to myself, no evangelist.."

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

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