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Evil
I search the mirror
To make things clearer
Then I'm faced with fears of
Emotions that ain't me
Through that my disturbia stains me
Blood soaked with the lust to loathe
Vendetta's rose
My beautiful ugly
My unusual lovely
A contradiction that haunts
To soothe my muse
A snake suffering from bad kharma
Though life is a bad charmer
I'm prideful
Blinded by hate with my words insightful
Weighted soul, balanced thoughts
Tainted goals, challenged faults
In my darkness I find talent
You find reason to judge
Prosecute me for not sponsoring love
Find me guilty for what I know nothing of
In a sense
I feel I'm innocent
But what I paint in your frame of mind
Is the pain that made me shine
That's worth a thousand
Words but only 4 are the focus
Then you mouth them
Empty
Vainness
Intolerable
Lost
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Fri, 2013-09-27 18:24
jzarmel
Your write is good, though I would like the Evil to be a lot more secretive and with words that describe the Evil in a softer way..
I know Evil is a hard thing, but it is usually portrayed as a gentle thing that kills or takes things that you need, usually without you knowing.
Then a portrayal of the fear it brings and the senses it touches with it's cold or hot hands ???
Yours Ian.T
PS:- I see that you have been here for a few years now and still your profile is sparse, I am being nosey but would like to know more of your ways...??
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
jzarmel
Mon, 2013-09-30 21:23
thank you
1st i'd like to say I appreciate your time and comments. You're correct about how evil is usually portrayed, as if it's unexpected, softly deceitful. I say that to say the evil I descibe in this poem is of me. Of a known and blunt deceit, but @ the same time someting I admire and understand. (Which is myself) As far as my profile, I'm a man of few words. I guess you say I'm used to being reserved, yet indifferent in ways not many are willing to understand.
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