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The Evergreen (Tetractys)
I
shall live
for decades
until you know.
I'm the evergreen that you grew in you.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Fri, 2013-09-20 23:30
About the form
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinquain
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Ian.T
Sat, 2013-09-21 03:47
Rula
................................ I ...........................
..............................had .........................
...........................looked........................
....................up the form first................
..............before saying anything...........
It is hard to put on Neo as a triangle, I use the spaces and run the first one to the middle then the rest to follow if I need form, that didn't work so I used full stops to do it as here, I did one with a pic of Parliament Hill building in the States but it became history quickly as some works do.
Take care, just another form to play with, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Sat, 2013-09-21 05:43
Ian
you needn't do the form in triangle. Just follow the 1,2, 3,4, 10 syllables in five lines. Easy.
Why don't you give it a shot.
Thanks for dropping by.
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Ian.T
Sat, 2013-09-21 09:51
OK young one
I will have a go at it, very similar to Fibs.
Will do it later when time permits,
Yours Ian.T
...................... Me.....................
....................Trying...................
..............Something new.........
...........That day will come.......
Yours, Sparrow.
PS:-Yenti is away from the comp, so I is here La La
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2013-09-21 07:44
let me see...
My
Heart breaks
At the sound
Of your harsh words
Will you ever love me the way I love you
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Rula
Sat, 2013-09-21 08:40
except that
Your last line is 11 syllables instesd of 10
Good attempt.
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lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2013-09-21 10:08
I tried
:)
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Rula
Sat, 2013-09-21 10:15
what do you think?
Of sth. like
"Will you ever love me the way I do."
I like it!
Have a lovely day!
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