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Wesley's Trochaic Quatrain (Bottom Line Workshop)
"Iamb" is Greek for "to attack in words". "Trochee" is Greek for "running".
Both of these forms are known as "Duble Meter" as each metric foot uses but two syllables.
Here then is my Trochaic example.
Don’t you think it’s keen to write Trochaic?
Here I’ve written something for the workshop.
Nothing short of drivel, but it’s metric.
Simply done, its form is but example.
Don’t you / think it’s / keen to / write Tro- / cha-ic?
Here I’ve / writ-ten / some-thing / for the / work-shop.
No-thing / short of / dri-vel, / but it’s / me-tric.
Sim-ply / done, its / form is / but ex- / am-ple.
Please keep in mind you needn't scan your quatrain. Rula and I will gladly do so. However, if you do Rula says you get extra cookies.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2013-09-17 16:13
Here is one line so far in my attempt at Trochaic
I am already banging my head on the desk but here it is....guide me as I feel I am lost somewhere in the sea of metric...
Taste of / salt on/ naked skin/ so soft/ like silk
Let me know how horrible this is and how to fix it....
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Ian.T
Tue, 2013-09-17 18:36
Carrie
I think this is great as a first line, and did I struggle with this one it is hard for us, that just write.
Well done young one, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2013-09-17 19:25
Ian
Good to see you...glad you liked it and its good to be back
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
wesley snow
Tue, 2013-09-17 19:38
Check it out.
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / soft like / silk
Close, but not quite. "Naked" is two syllables. The line is Trochaic, but with the extra syllable it is hexameter (six feet). Missing the unaccented syllable following "silk" makes it catalectic.
Adjust the line and go on. You are understanding Trochee. Now get the number of feet figured out. One of the hardest things for a poet starting with Trochee is to end the line on an unaccented syllable. Human nature wants to end it on an accent and make it sound Iambic which satisfies our "traditional" perspective of how a poem should sound.
Otherwise well done.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2013-09-17 19:48
ok
Taste of/salt on/snow white/skin so/soft
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Rula
Tue, 2013-09-17 21:54
Oops
I think one unaccented syllable is missing at the end
or am I still sleeping?
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wesley snow
Tue, 2013-09-17 20:33
Got it.
Three more verses please. Then on to Dactyl.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2013-09-17 21:01
I can learn
Ok...onward to three more verses...I take it you are pleased
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2013-09-17 21:11
here it is
Taste of salt on snow white skin so soft
Heat of/passion/lost in/time long/ gone
Poison/heart so/dark unkept/breathless/soul
Etched in/stone fate/takes our/hand and/dies
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
wesley snow
Tue, 2013-09-17 22:05
The third line has problems.
Poi-son / heart so / dark un- / kept breath- / less soul
In this verse you have accented "breathless" on the second syllable. The length is correct, but "breathless" needs to be moved. The rest of the quatrain works. Your only difficulty I see is a small lack of attention to detail.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2013-09-17 23:33
never
One of my strengths...One word isn't too awfully bad considering my love hate relationship with meter....
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Ian.T
Wed, 2013-09-18 03:57
Carrie ---Your first line
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / soft like / silk
I think that all you have to do on this one is move the silk??
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / silken (This is better for me)
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / silk like..
It's such good fun if you don't weaken, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
wesley snow
Wed, 2013-09-18 12:50
Look into my eyes...
... Carrie loves meter... Carrie loves meter... it is poetry... it is life... Carrie loves meter... when I snap my fingers you will awaken...
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Rula
Wed, 2013-09-18 12:55
hahaha hypnotization works!
Now Carrie sure likes meter :) :)
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lonlyhrtsclub13
Wed, 2013-09-18 13:11
Looking into your eyes
could prove to be dangerous....hmmm...meter is starting to grow on me...just requires me to use more brain power...damn you for making me think.... :)
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
lonlyhrtsclub13
Wed, 2013-09-18 14:01
One last attempt....
Taste of salt on snow white skin so soft
Heat of passion lost in time long gone
Poison heart so dark unkept jagged soul so harsh
Etched in stone fate takes our hand and dies
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Rula
Wed, 2013-09-18 14:31
My scansion
Heat of| passion| lost in| time long| gone (half foot needed)
Poison| heart so |dark un|kept ja|gged soul| so harsh(one foot too many)
Etched in| stone fate| takes our| hand and| dies (half foot needed)
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Please follow me on Instagram
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wesley snow
Wed, 2013-09-18 16:02
Rula is correct.
It's only the details that are missing. There is nothing wrong with the lines. They are simply not strict in their meter. That requires only practice.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
lonlyhrtsclub13
Wed, 2013-09-18 16:11
I will give this some more thought
and work on it tonight as I can, I need the right words to fit so I don't lose the whole essence of the piece...if that makes sense. I hate writing just words, I like it to make sense or have some meaning...
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
wesley snow
Wed, 2013-09-18 17:03
Of course it makes sense.
As Faulkner said, "a good poet will agonize over a single word."
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
lonlyhrtsclub13
Wed, 2013-09-18 19:27
I will work on this
As I can...hoping the kids are in bed early enough.....
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
lonlyhrtsclub13
Wed, 2013-09-18 21:42
here we go again
Taste of salt on snow white skin so soft
Heat of passion lost in time long gone away
Poison heart so dark unkept jagged soul repressed
Etched in stone fate takes our hand and dies alone
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"