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WINTER SUNSET

A low evening sun
glowing through a yellow sky
gilding snow patches

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

explains seasons in syllables
5 7 5=17
U MAY like to rework a bit perhaps

loved

I rechecked and don't see where I missed count. Perhaps you're thinking evening has 3 syllables, but after checking Webster's I found it has only 2. Appreciate the read and won't mind at all having it pointed out where I messed up........................scribbler PS especially would like to know of a mistake outside of syllable count

author comment

either edit
or u have to accept
my regrets
any way u win
i lose sorry

loved

This is no contest with winners or losers. I know your intent was to help and I know I make enough mistakes to take any help offered lol your friend..................stan

author comment

frnd
i learnt all about haikus from here
only made one or two
so i said
hai to uuuuuuuuuuuu
goood haiku u doooooo

loved

Once in a while I try a Haiku to save an image in a hurry then expand on it later.....scribbler

author comment

you know how I am , I see and then tell lol....................stan

author comment

thank you...........................scribbler

author comment

high praise indeed considering the source...................stan

author comment

You're mastering the art of haiku.

Good for you!

~

nice of you to say, but I'm hardly the master of any form..............................scribbler

author comment

I didn't say *master* I said *mastering*, Stan... ;-)

~

see, I haven't even mastered reading..................stan

author comment

and all I can say is a big thank you lol.......................stan

author comment

A stunningly beautiful image you have captured here. From right across the world.

Wonderful to visualize thanks to your beautiful poem.

Thanks Stan

Love Mand xxxxxxxxxx

It seems the less I write the better ya'll like it lol. Thank you for the read and kind comment Mandy.............stan

author comment

Stan,

you have me stumped with the syllables in line one.

The word 'even' has two syllables, with the 'ing' being a another. So that would suggest three syllables. That said I have spent a while looking up the word 'evening'...the majority seem to agree that there are three, but some say two?

So we can split the word up it would appear in two ways:

Ev-en-ing
Eve-ning

so I think it comes down to how you promounce it!

How very complicated!

Great Haiku my friend...possibly!

Lol!

I didn't bother with the last two lines because my head hurts!

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

According to Webster's 9th Collegiate Dictionary it's eev-ning although I often hear it pronounced as 3 syllables also. Good ol' English lol. Doc Holliday prescribes 2 aspirin for the head. I think what messes most up is pronouncing the 2nd E which is silent....................scribbler

author comment

Stan,

I have taken 2 Asprins...and I still don't know how many syllables are in that damned word!

Lol!

HS

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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

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