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Longing
I stand there, looking onwards
The grass twirls, dances at my feet
The grey clouds, wait patiently in silence
Not approaching, merely there
A prelude, to a time yet to arrive
The cool wind, promises rain
Onwards lies, a distant fireplace
A place to rest, my weary eyes
A quiet river, softly serenades
It's running water, an orphic turquoise blue
I stand there, breathing deeply
Tears cascade, crawling down
Feelings bubble, a new completion
I found the place, I can call home
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Feedback appreciated :)
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Sun, 2013-08-25 01:57
Hello 1997
Welcome to the Neo.
I see you've painted a nice image for your home. I enjoyed the read though at a point I liked to have a bit more colors to avoid the boredom. Don't take me wrong please. I loved the imagery you've drwan but if you've thrown some internal alliterations and consonance here and there and created some music, I thought it wouldn't hurt, would it.
Please don't panic, what you did is really good but this place will always offer you something to grow with what you already know.
Welcome again.
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