some people say i'm scatterbrained.
others say i'm way too invested, too involved.
I would only say I obsess over things.
apparently I can't focus for very long because I go so hard and I burn so bright
that I burn out just as quick.
that may be true for some things, but if you're telling me a year and three or four months
is quick, then i'll tell you the sky is red as blood and romance,
and it's true I can never remember the months, but the year is all that matters, right?
and at some point the months don't count?
I mean, when do you stop having anniversaries for that shit,
and it doesn't even matter because for some reason she doesn't mind reminding me
every time I guess, and it makes me wonder if it's okay that I have to guess,
and if she knows that i'm so scared of her being jealous because I never
ever want her to doubt that I love her with every square inch of my body
and she is the only thing these four eyes ever see...now it just sounds like
i'm proving their point, rambling on like this.

but let me just tell you,
that I am obsessed with and addicted to her
like I am addicted to and obsessed with coffee.
see, the caffeine tricks your body into thinking it needs Stewart's French Vanilla coffee
with lots of sugar, and see,
the love tricked my everything into thinking it all leads back to her.
when it really doesn't.
it just really, really feels that way
and when you know the difference between caffeine and actual need,
you are okay.

I have literally bruised my ass trying not to spill my coffee,
and the worst part is I sleep best on my right side.
you guess which cheek turned purple.
I have bruised my whole body trying to be with her,
and the worst part is I sleep best with her on the right side of the bed,
and yes I know this because I sneak over to hold her until she falls asleep.
you guess what I don't get to do very often.

I want her enough like coffee every morning.
I look for her like gas stations, I look for her everywhere.
I see her in crowds, in sun and moon and sunflower fields,
I taste her lips in the rain and I remember how she only likes coffee second hand,
off my lips. I don't understand why.
then again, i'm being scatterbrained...

everything I do is reminiscent of her.
she makes fixating on green eyes and a big smile and every single summer freckle so easy.
maybe they think i'm scatterbrained and in too deep because whenever i'm doing something,
I always want to go back to Stewart's.
back to my caffeine high.
or simply,
back to Emily.