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Hollow Words
When I'm down your
My first resort, my purpose towards
Living, giving reminiscence
A second vision that involves
Me being proud of us hitting it off
Not to mention the soft
Feel of your voice, filling the void
Of feeling avoided, I'm thankful
In return I call you my angel
'Til death do us part
Sadly due to the bruises and scars
I would have to rudely deter
I'm not at all moved by hollow words
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Wed, 2013-08-21 02:52
jzarmel
I have looked through your writes and have found that you are not replying to comments so well.
The last write you did better but suggest a better interaction with more poets here would benefit your progress and bring your poetry to others attention.
We are here to learn as you and to assist others where we can.
Now to this one:-
The theme is good but there are many more words that can let you express these things , why and more why's need an answer.
Careful when using simple words such as "your" when the inflection should be "you are" as in your first line, the abreviated word you could use would be you're.
Hope to see more of you in the future, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..