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valley of no return

Submitted by loved on Mon, 2013-08-19 21:42

There in the valley
There is the valley
only one I know of

and

reading your version
will make me drown
in that valley of no return
where one has been

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2013-08-20 01:17

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If it is the "Valley of No Return" then no one can ever have BEEN there. Because [been] implies that one is no longer there. But, maybe they just left and didn't come back here? That way, they didn't return!
As always, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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loved

Tue, 2013-08-20 11:02

loved's picture

I thought a cliche kind
maybe I'm wrong
it is or was
like an experience where one would continue to stay
as if for ever as if == desire of no return

loved

author comment

Ian.T

Tue, 2013-08-20 18:22

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As with Gee, you cannot have been in the Valley of no return.
Though with Poetic licence you can do as you will lol.
That you are here and witnessed that valley from your point of view is good, we shall celebrate that you never set foot in there it is a desolate place..
Great to see you, as sense prevailed, and protected your Sojourn with the thoughts of staying with us here, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Tue, 2013-08-20 19:33

loved's picture

till i decide to stay there
not to return

loved

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