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Letter to God
what did you expect when you left us here? For us to love you and want for you to be near. I want to love you but I am not sure how. I feel so dirty and unworthy. Your word says humans are evil through and through if we are what are we to do. We come into the world not by our own doing but you say if we don't choose you we will be going to a place where we are tortured for all eternity I want to love you and I don't want to burn but I feel your love I have to earn
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words:
still working on this
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Mon, 2013-08-12 14:37
Hello scamper
I see this is your second post here. In your both posts you choose to write in full lines just like prose.
Why don't you put them in verse, so more will come to help you with suggestion for improvement if any needed.
It is an interesting theme, at least for me.
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loved
Mon, 2013-08-12 18:01
Your word says humans are evil
....''Your word says humans are evil ...''
BUT FIRST ASK UR GOD
WHY DID HE CREATE SUCH INHUMAN
you all say thE
LORD GOD MADE THEM ALL
so he must also hold the BALL
loved
Geezer
Tue, 2013-08-13 18:43
So much...
to say
and then... not
You choose a topic that is real hot
Be reminded, that poetry here
is based on critique
Not if a god is to be feared.
Rula is right, if you post in a form more easily read,
you will get more responses.
yes, it needs work, but I do see the potential in it. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.