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Empathy
Our reality a causality of the sedation of the human mind and the human heart,
The closed eyes trained to see nothing but what is presented upon a TV screen,
The broken anvil of our ear unable to hear the crashing hammer screams,
The screams that cry out for the shattered dreams, the forgotten Utopian ideals,
Our touch deadened and kept at arm’s length, each end of a handshake,
Gone is the embrace showing love for the fellow man, only power-grip remains,
We care only enough to be convenient, we don’t care enough to fight for children maimed,
The wars happen, but it doesn't happen to us, so we seethe in silent anger,
Not acknowledging for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing,
So locked into place, the educated who have power to inspire the masses,
Watch as the world falls into the hands of the few, an uncaring_______
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I have started poetry for a month or two, I think I have got used to using unique imagery, I can't seem to get a flow going very well though, have started to look into meters though it seems a bit mind boggling how to insert it into my writing.
The ending is abrupt because you as the educated reader don't care (apathy). The poem topic is important because I personally feel there is a lot of people who just accept what they see and never challenge it and that we have been conditioned in that way.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Fri, 2013-08-02 18:16
Vinland
Firstly welcome to Neopoet site, here we take the poetry written and offer comments to see if the poet can improve his/her overall works..
Sometimes it is a hard struggle but the end product is worth the time.
We have many people here that have studied poetry from the Classics to modern.
Always feel free to ask for help on any aspect of poetry.
There are usually several workshops going all led by knowledgeable people, have a go at joining the odd one as you can.
As to this write , I usually comment on the theme and general read of a poem:-
The theme is a good one, just need s a little expanding.
Your line length needs a bit of attention, have a look at the extremes where the minimum of words are used, as with Esker, but that needs a lot of practice.
Have a look at the forms of poetry ie;- Pentameter being one of the common ways to write a line.
Anyway just ask one of the teachers here and have a look yourself at poetic forms.
Enjoy your stay with us,
Yours Ian.T
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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..