Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Lost memories

Submitted by Rula on Wed, 2013-07-24 15:14

I sincerely want
to remember you,

but every time I try,
I get only void,

then all my memories
are left
frameless.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Wed, 2013-07-24 18:54

Rula

A message of few words,

That you want to remember someone
But they are hidden by emptiness
This can affect all memories
If the others are judged by this one.

I say:-
Remember all that cross your path,
as they all carry a message from your maker.
The lessons to be learned cannot be learned alone.
Though they are for you only
How can you measure the value of things if you walk alone.
Yours Ian.T
A good write in so few words well done..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Rula

Fri, 2013-07-26 08:08

Ian

You're absolutely right. Remembering what others teach you is the best way to remember them. Then they'll be always well remembered . Thanks for the enlightenment.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Wed, 2013-07-24 21:12

rula

A simple and elegant write...good job

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Rula

Fri, 2013-07-26 08:05

Carrie

Thanks for dropping by and your kind words. Any suggestion for a better title would be appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Fri, 2013-07-26 08:12

If you are looking

for interesting titles, you can use an online thesauras and for example, type in the word "memory." Synonyms will come up and perhaps one will strike you as an appropriate title. I use it all the time. Instead of using the word "visitor" for my one poem, I found "Visitant." Just a suggestion....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Rula

Fri, 2013-07-26 08:18

I use them too

I wanted something like lost and found "futile" but didn't think it well fits with memory, does it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Fri, 2013-07-26 08:20

I dont like

futile, your poem is elegant and simple, the title should be as well :)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Rula

Fri, 2013-07-26 08:58

I think

I shall keep it simple too! Thanks for the thoughts.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Fri, 2013-07-26 09:05

:)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

weirdelf

Wed, 2013-07-24 23:40

frameless pictures

jumbled, lost, unsorted, un-displayed,
what a beautiful, powerful expression!

I love concise effective, affective poetry like this.

Not sure about the title. This poem is anything but sappy.
How about "Entropy"?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Rula

Fri, 2013-07-26 08:10

Hello jess

I like the word "Entropy" , a new one for me, yet it doesn't describe my memories
the way I want it. I admit I wasn't happy with sappy either that's why I would appreciate any alternative or I would however use one of the words you've used in your comment; "lost" or "unsorted" as they well fit there.

Appreciate the suggestion and the thoughts. Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

wesley snow

Fri, 2013-07-26 10:34

After reading the work...

... in your collection (which I now have time to play with, by the way) this is beyond minimalist. It isn't my cup of tea, but I agree with Jess that it is succinct. Is it someone specific or fiction?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Rula

Fri, 2013-07-26 19:24