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the last mile

Submitted by Seren on Mon, 2013-07-01 10:24

gazing into nevermore

I see sadness and joy

 

yesterday's sleep

covers me

in the ash of time

I dream

as deaths wings

extinguish your light

 

we considered

the great sleep

in hushed tones

a simple wish

took shape

 

now

with the lessening

of the light,

whispers list

a ragged breath

 

our time runs out

there are no words

left unspoken,

 

and now silence

grips the night

until the first

tear turns to

 

sobs...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

Mon, 2013-07-01 11:25

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Such a delicate way to put your thoughts of death. While dealing with grief is such a draining, emotional experience for most of us, we can take solace in the fact that our loved ones have moved on to something beautiful and something brighter, leaving us with wonderful memories to hold on to. I know you are going through a very difficult time but your writing as always is wonderful.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Seren

Sat, 2013-07-06 08:30

Seren's picture

I only know the words just flowed out, a quiet breath in the midst of chaos, I knew a few people here would know of our loss, you got to love FB for that, I wrote about 20 poems I am yet to finish them off but I think I should try and concentrate on lighter poems
very glad you took time out to read I really appreciate it

take care love Jayne-Chloe x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Mon, 2013-07-01 11:55

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gives such a beautiful perspective on our final end. We don't know what is on the other side, but we do know that those of us left behind, are left with the grief of their passing. The only thing left is our memories of them.
I hope that I will be remembered after I'm gone, by the ones who matter most. Like you remember those that have departed from your life. I know that whomever you are remembering here, would be proud of the way you remember. ~ Love you, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lonlyhrtsclub13

Mon, 2013-07-01 12:45

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Forget you after you are gone! I hope as well that people who I cared about the most will remember me the way those who have been lost are remembered in this piece :) Memories are precious and should be cherished. In the end, that's all we have left.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Seren

Sat, 2013-07-06 08:36

Seren's picture

I can guarantee you will be remembered by those who you would least expect, each persons experience is there own, and though the interaction maybe brief sometimes a deeper impression is made without thought, you are many things Guy and a better friend I couldn't ask for ...

Thanks for your thoughts on the poem this was really a blood letting I needed to have

you take care love you with higgiest bugs JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Thu, 2013-07-18 20:28

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and honored to have so many friends and family. I can't imagine what someone who doesn't have anyone must feel like in the last days and moments of their lives. Maybe I will try and write something about it. Love to my lovely ladies and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-07-01 11:58

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You are dwelling on the negative, In the piece I wrote "Apart" , it is better to think in these streams than this one, but it has to be said or it will be forever hidden and causing a dark corner in your ways.
There is a light for you to follow and walk toward, you just have to reach out.
I spent many hours talking to another and it cost me dear, but the end where the other person walked in the sunshine, and knew it was sunshine, was worth every moment.
Your write was from your feelings and can only be a good write,
Take care we are but a thought away,
Yours Ian, & Anne not forgetting the children--Talk to you later..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seren

Sat, 2013-07-06 08:44

Seren's picture

I am doing a little better just knocked the wind out of me a little, I am going to keep writing as much as I can without writing of darkness and grief and sorrow, it just drags me down further into into the abyss

I know you are there and I appreciate it more than you know thank you for just being there and better friends I couldn't ask for

love always Jayne-Chloe xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Ian.T

Sat, 2013-07-06 09:52

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I see the tears that flow warm
I hear the cries so forlorn
I send the help that I know
Will hold you in its glow.
To write of the lighter side when you are down will lift you tall.above those darkened paths that seem to have held you far too long.
We are here in this light world where you can call my name and I will answer you.
Now you have said it yourself that you are going to lift your writing, then you will be lifted.
It is so hard to find a way out of those places but always know we are here.
I am looking forward to your next writes of love and understanding with laughter strewn along the paths of others in you minds eye..
They will be wonderful to read,
Take care of you, you are precious to all you know, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seren

Wed, 2013-07-17 04:19

Seren's picture

I am trying I plan to write for a while tonight, I have been writing heaps of poetry just need to sit down and pick which one is closer to being posted, I never know whats going to come out, I have been out a couple of times this week it was good to catch up with a couple of mates I ran into ... and thank you for always being there it meens more than you could ever know

love always JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Ian.T

Wed, 2013-07-17 08:21

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We can show a pathway to where we are, and we can sweep it with a brush of love.
It is your journey Jayne, and the things we have to learn here, are sometimes very hard, but know that we know what is where we are, and can't wait to welcome another traveller.
Better than that, I can always come and meet you on the pathway, send the children to make your journey lighter and the Eagle to watch over you, but I suppose where you are a Kookaburra will have to do, and an old lady to give you a smile now and then.
Take care young lady and I look forward to your sorting out a write for us here,
Yours as always Ian.T xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seren

Thu, 2013-07-18 10:36

Seren's picture

I always look for the footprints on the lawn we had a frost here a few days ago left the morning covered in white and that's the closest we ever get to snow, but it gets damn cold anyway.

the kookaburra's laugh every morning there's a family of them that live further down the railway line but they come up every morning sitting on the power lines

I am coming good slowly I am not pushing it, its half 12 here I better get my ass to bed

thanks for your thoughts they are always welcome

love always JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Race_9togo

Thu, 2013-07-18 05:16

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There is a delicate beauty in death, a quiet fatalism in its inevitability, as its moment leads to grief, and helpless love becomes a cherished memory.

As you so often say:-

Bravo

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Seren

Thu, 2013-07-18 10:42

Seren's picture

"There is a delicate beauty in death, a quiet fatalism in its inevitability, as its moment leads to grief, and helpless love becomes a cherished memory"

that says it all, your comment is a poem thanks for the bravo it was much appreciated.

there are so many emotions going through your heart and head when a loved one is ebbing away ...
its just so recent I am still a little wounded

thanks for the visit and your thoughts

love JC xxx .

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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