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Growing Pains
Haunted by my past
Realizing the fact
That I'm more alone due
In part to the abusive nature
I embraced to subdue the greater
Flaw of not being a man
Seeking freedom in frantically
Drinking to ease
The nervousness of being
Worthlessness
Purposeless
Death being what i'm flirting with
Knowing my aim
Has to be getting over these growing pains
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I wrote this as a reminder of what I'm fighting with and having to get over to become a better person, a better man, and a better father. It's a painful reminder of not returning to that level of darkness and haviving to accept the past and having NO CHOICE but to grow up.
Editing stage:
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Comments
ida
Thu, 2013-07-04 15:33
brilliant lines
the nervousness of being
death
getting over these growing pains
I feel your scars from this piece
continue to use wounds to fuel your work
allowing hearts to touch
thankyou
jzarmel
Thu, 2013-07-11 10:23
Thank u. And that I will do.
Thank u. And that I will do.
author commentRace_9togo
Thu, 2013-07-04 21:21
Greetings
I dislike explanations. I strongly feel that if a poem must be explained, then it has failed.
But in this case, your explanation is superfluous and uneccessary, since your meaning comes through very clearly, and with power. I always say that good poetry is much more than the mere sum of its words, and this poem is an excellent example of this.
I have only 2 criticisms. both fairly minor. First, the hyphenated word in lines 7 and 8. It breaks up the rythym of your poem pretty badly, for me, and forces a pause there that I don't like. Put 'frantically' on one line.
Second, The second-to-last and last lines are a little choppy, to me. I wanted to read them as:-
"Knowing my aims
Must be getting over these growing pains"
This is powerful, painful, smooth and very honest, the stuff of poetic excellence. I look forward to your next.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
jzarmel
Thu, 2013-07-11 10:29
1st i'd like to say thank u
1st i'd like to say thank u for your time and comment. U make some very good points in your comment that I feel I need to take heed to as a poet. Again thnk u and I hope to hear frm u again.
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