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Where eagles fly-- edit

Submitted by Geremia on Sun, 2013-07-07 09:29

Where Eagles Fly

I am an eagle flying
elliptical
taken by the wind
in a dance of one
fading into forgetfulness
with the setting sun

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

William Saint George

Mon, 2013-07-08 07:35

William Saint George's picture

the sun rises again in the morning. This is not as hopeless as it seems.

I like the brevity.

Also, "eagle flying" and "swaying in the wind", I find them contradictory - one deliberate, the other a sign of helpless surrender. Why did you use them?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Geezer

Mon, 2013-07-08 22:02

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agree with William. Maybe you could find another word to use? [Swaying] just doesn't seem to get it.
maybe floating or soaring. although, [soaring is a bit cliché], Nice feel though, made me feel like I was flying in a lonely sky. ~ Gee

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Ian.T

Tue, 2013-07-09 03:22

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An Acrostic to answer your write I hope it is good enough:-

"Eagles Fly Alone"

Effortless wings holding warm air
As earthly bounty passes my stare
Gathered horizons the world sighs
Longings for companions to fill my eyes
Eternity of peace to feed my sense
Soaring with dreams of freedom intense

Fearing the setting of the sun
Lonely times when the only one
Yet seek another in times to come

Are there more things than this
Loneliness is it a kind of bliss
Or am I missing the whole point
No one needs to be as lonely as I
Eagle that continues to search the sky

Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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