Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Rain reveals all
The rain pummeling droplets
And the drains guzzling down
The rumble darkened distance
From the quiet of the town
It stings in sheets the tin house roof
And yellow lamp lit soaking streets
And whittles at the window while
A rain drowned heart drum beats
Precipitation: all it is, and falls
From blackened heavens grasp
To walk bare headed in the land
Then strain once more and skyward gasp
And words, let tumble, rattling home
with language falling at your door
Answer, if you will at last, let in
The sodden beast endures
Too much, to be ignored, and asks
To see your lantern heart once more.
The rain unearthed a heathen grave
The rutted hill end churchyard gave
Away a wayward convict man
A rover of this ancient land
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
I'm new here, so go easy on me fellas.. This is a very rough hewn draft. I have played around with a few forms, and like the simple couplet used here.The relentless Tasmanian winter rain and wind kept me up at night, and the themes are loosely gathered around that and of the language in the landscape itself. There's plenty to inspire in Tasmania , in terms of it's convenient silences in penal history as a colonial outcrop, dramatic landscapes and the vigorously down to earth people. Should be plenty more where this came from, hope it resonates with someone out there. Cheers.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
vandiemenspeak
Mon, 2013-07-08 08:38
Feedback..
Thanks for the feedback Beau. Wasn't too sure about that line, it was perhaps in the hope of creating a sudden stop at the realization of deluge or similar. Lots of tweaking and tinkering to come. Tasmania is a place full of people creating things in their backyard shed. Hopefully Neopoet will be my 'backyard shed' filled with fellow artisans to help! Cheers.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
Ian.T
Mon, 2013-07-08 02:44
Speak
As with Beau I also enjoyed your write.
Welcome to Neopoet, there are many of your fellows writing and holding high places on this site,
There are quite a few workshops that are top line, so have fun..
One of my favourite words is Precipitation it has a few other uses:-
(Earth Sciences / Physical Geography) Meteorol
Rain, snow, sleet, dew, etc., formed by condensation of water vapour in the atmosphere
The deposition of these on the earth's surface
The amount precipitated
(Chemistry) the production or formation of a chemical precipitate
The act of precipitating or the state of being precipitated
Rash or undue haste
(Spirituality, New Age, Astrology & Self-help / Alternative Belief Systems) Spiritualism the appearance of a spirit in bodily form; materialization.
So there are a few other uses for this word, it would make a good Acrostic.
Anyway enjoyed the write and look forward to more, I think a name to use for you instead of a title would be good lol.
Take care Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
vandiemenspeak
Mon, 2013-07-08 08:45
Feedback..
Thanks for taking the time to provide feedback Ian. As I mentioned to Beau, Tasmania is a land full of backyard tinkerers, and we need all the encouragement we can get! Your'e right in the deceptive simplicity of wors that have a recursive infinite sense sometimes a line can be like falling down a rabbit hole! There are a lot of strange stories and myths, tall tales and ship wrecks from the Dutch, French, English that surrounds Tasmania ( Tassie in the vernacular) - the history really lends itself to poetry in the telling of these stories, hopefully that's what i'll achieve and give some sense of this fantastic place. Cheers mate
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
Ian.T
Mon, 2013-07-08 09:57
Speak
It is great that you have replyed to our comments I hope you start a trend.
I look forward to learning more about your country and its history from your words.
Then the many persons we need to be to write poetry, imaginations recorders that what we are sometimes.
I often become mistaken for the one I write of, but it is just stretching the mind, and that is good but I would have loved to have been trained in the classic art of poetry.
Enjoy your walk with us, just write about the Devils you have there, there is no reason to bring them along lol..
Take care and good to have you with us, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
vandiemenspeak
Fri, 2013-09-27 07:10
Been away a little while..
Hi Ian,
I enjoyed the many variations on the theme: precipitation. Do you know, to be honest, I hadn't really considered them in that depth, but it really is a 'gateway' word to many possibilities! I did a little more tinkering and polishing and changed the meaning a little to reflect the environment of the surly, precipitous brooding atmosphere that is sometimes almost held in the air down here, subject to change at any moment; not just in terms of weather. I also wanted to allude to Tasmania's colonial convict past as Van Diemens land, where there formed an enforced migration policy on mainly Scottish and Irish 'Criminals of the Crown' who really built the fledgling crop of the Empire's infrastructure, sometimes as a result of something as petty as stealing a Ladies handkerchief.
Some others on Rain:
Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet. _ Roger Miller
Memoirs of the Literary and Philosophical Society of Manchester (1819), 3, 507. Quoted in George Drysdale Dempsey and Daniel Kinnear Clark, On the Drainage of Lands, Towns, & Buildings
"The cause of rain is now, I consider, no longer an object of doubt. If two masses of air of unequal temperatures, by the ordinary currents of the winds, are intermixed, when saturated with vapour, a precipitation ensues. If the masses are under saturation, then less precipitation takes place, or none at all, according to the degree. Also, the warmer the air, the greater is the quantity of vapour precipitated in like circumstances. ... Hence the reason why rains are heavier in summer than in winter, and in warm countries than in cold." John Dalton
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
vandiemenspeak
Thu, 2013-07-25 23:36
Ta Mark..
Yes, that's a bit neater actually. Nothing wrong with a bit of polishing is there? Guess that's the whole point of drafts! This is great tool for feedback and improvement. Will keep chipping away.Thanks.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.