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Intentional Scars

Jagged blade
Smooth skin
A blank canvas
Pallet of pain

One cut
Makes her nauseas
But gives a little relief
Two cuts
The second larger than the first
Bares her empty soul

Third cut
In just the right spot
Lets the hurt pour out
Internal torment
Finally set free

The dizzyness is overwhelming
As numbness takes over
For the first time
She feels nothing
Transparent as a Ghost

For the first time
The heartache can't get in

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

This one takes me to a familiar place that I hope I have finally left for good. It is personal. It is raw. it is poetic.

This is a brave poem. Great job!

Scott

Scott

This came from a place I have become very aware of. I am glad you liked it. Glad my poems mean something.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Your innate ability is to approach an emotional response through violence and harm. This is where you will likely produce your best work, but it is your comfort zone, your safe envelope.
Time to leave.
If I can write verso libre, you must write a positive poem. A bright poem. It needn't be good. Just make the attempt.

Here it is. My attempt.
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/contemporary-free-verse

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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I shall do my best but blowing sunshine up people's a## isn't one of my strengths. I forgot to mention I have a fowl mouth from time to time but for you, I will try.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Insight into your dark side will grow stale without input. We must all try to explore VERY different avenues as each new street adds a façade to what we were exploring in the first place.
Some other directions:
A love poem (a particular bane of mine... I have tried many times and succeeded only once- it is a beautiful poem, but not very romantic. I STILL used elements of the fantastic and the spiritual instead of goop).
An adventure poem (literally... a sword fight or combat... something I have no trouble with).
A political rant (a protest poem... I despise them. I love "watching" international politics, but to whine about some social injustice is simply not in me... therefore I make the attempts... when I get one I'll let you know).
A spiritual treatise (a God poem. What you feel is or is not... very hard).
I could go on for years. Each one, even if abject failure, will give to you a tiny (sometime infinitesimal) insight into something else. This is how we grow. We drop back and start at the beginning of something alien to us.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Love poems are not my strength either as I have not had the best of luck in that department, hence some of my meaner poetry. I tend to roll my eyes at "goop" as you put it. Adventure poems might be something to explore or perhaps one of fantasy, utopian etc. I am good at creating worlds and characters. A battle scene might be fun. I have mixed feelings on religion so I am not sure spiritual treatise would be a good way to go for me. Politics are definitely out. Something I don't get involved in. I am sure you have an example of one of your adventure poems somewhere. Could you send me the link so I can read and make mental notes?

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Ҫaҫ’ô, Man of The Morning Star is a romantic, fantasy adventure written in the style of "chandons de geste" or French medieval epic poetry. The full protasis (a fancy Greek term for introduction or exposition) is posted here on NeoPoet. It is twelve canto long (another fancy Italian word for chapters in the poetic sense) . The poem at this point is a full 72 canto long and I have barely begun the story line. From the beginning I have followed the classical rules of epopoeia, though the work is utterly modern in its sensibilities. I use a great deal of archaic language, so have your dictionary at hand, although most of the "big" words are clear through context.
Now.
Don't read it as poetry. Although this should be true with ALL poetry, it is particularly true in epic poetry. If you read it as a poem the story will be lost. Read it as you would prose allowing punctuation and context alone to guide you. Read it fast. Don't dawdle. Don't "savor". The poetry takes care of itself.
Don't go here if you're not prepared to read the full protasis. If you read a couple of canto you will read some cute poetry and have no opportunity to discover the story teller.
If after the protasis you can't take it anymore- I release you. You did your best.
Forewarned is forearmed. Canto One is a mere 300 lines or so. Canto six is nearly seven hundred. Twelve is over eleven hundred lines. It is EPIC poetry.
Rule number one of epic poetry is that the poem must begin medias res (in the middle of things) at our hero's lowest ebb. The story then continues in forward progression and analepsis (flashback... in this case external, meaning to a point previous to the present narrative... are we frightened yet? Just a little?). Canto One is explosive. Canto two is not. The story is far more complex than you may be able to accept, but if you're interested I don't pretend I don't want you to read it.
The central tenet of the story is motherhood. It is the mother of The Man who holds the only hope of destroying the man created by the Morning Star who he can no longer control.
I welcome your comments, but don't sweat the line by line analysis. I know what I wrote. I would that you tell me whether the story was exciting. Each canto is preceded by a Capitularé (a fancy Latin word for summary). It will tell you the action in the canto, so you may follow along more readily. It also is in epic poetry tradition. Not traditional however, is the fact that (having been asked to create the Capitularé in the first place) I now include massive amounts of new story structure. It is critical to the story. You may not avoid it.

Good luck.

"It was in blight wrought by the thieves
that Mic-lak-lor unknown achieves
the first true step on toward the last
and into The Abyss is cast
a stone tied true with perfect knot
to drag behind what God has wrought."

You have begun. May the White Gods of Hell be by your side.

Part One "Harsh", Canto One
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/%C3%A7a%C3%A7%C3%B4-man-morning-st...

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

and I accept the challenge of reading it, all of it. I have read Homer's The Odyssey and I read Hermann Hesse's Steppenwolf over and over until I understood it. Turned out ot be one of my favorite reads. Difficult or lengthy reading does not scare me, in fact its rather stimulating. I will add this to the list of things I need to work on for you and will begin reading as soon as I finish the other things you have asked that I do. (I don't think you are tyrannical).

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I am a pussycat.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

:)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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