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A limerick straight from my mind

Submitted by weirdelf on Thu, 2013-06-20 07:12

composed on the run in chat Beau's "Off the cuff" chat

I need a longer extension
and it's not just anal retention
if the connection is broken
there's no adequate token
for means of seeking redemption

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Nordic cloud

Sun, 2013-06-23 14:07

Nordic cloud's picture

This is so neat, clear cut, precise,
and it swings into the mind,
then swings out, just so.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

weirdelf

Fri, 2013-06-28 16:39

weirdelf's picture
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Ann

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

Ian.T

Fri, 2013-06-28 17:22

Ian.T's picture
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Not Too keen on the Extension you had in your Limerick.
So I thought about it very quick.
Bad job saying Anal all I could think was what a pirk.
I know that typo's are very bad,
But your message seemed rather sad.
Now I have rewritten it I am feeling so Glad, La La

I put in for an extension
With all good intentions
They gave me some flex
To enhance my prospects
On which I made a mess
An extension was my intention
To wander my home on the phone
It didn't work,I felt such a jerk
I made it too short. UC
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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