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Ragnarök

Submitted by TheDarkOne on Thu, 2013-06-27 03:56

I sit atop the Frozen Throne
The Light of the World grows dim.
As foretold on the primeval stone
The dark crept in, with barely a whim.

The frosted air dances at my feet
My ambitions burn
welding me to the Throne
The Earth murmurs
crumbling as I stare at the unending night

I hear the World's last beat
The skies churn
breathing a thunderous moan
Souls tremor
searing in brimstone, no end in sight

The future has been sown
I break the Seal, releasing the Grim
My grip tightens on what I now own
I watch the colour and light circle the brim

I am the Damned
Rule the Damned
The reaped reverberate

The eternal Void of The Frozen Throne.

MML NGJ 2013/06/25

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

Thu, 2013-06-27 08:48

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Hello DarkOne,

I really like this. I love the fantasy aspect of your writing, the mystery. There is a deeper message though in your words. Very good.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

TheDarkOne

Mon, 2013-08-19 05:28

TheDarkOne's picture

Thanks :-)

author comment

wesley snow

Thu, 2013-06-27 11:38

wesley snow's picture
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This is the first I have seen of you. Obviously I don't get around enough.
I like the language and, of course, the subject.
I would like to see a more consistent meter to keep me pulled along, but that's my preference. Too much of the latter sections turn to prose in my mind.
However, I can't fault the feel in the work.
I will look in some others and see if their nature changes or if this is your aspect.
A strong poem that deserves revisiting.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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TheDarkOne

Mon, 2013-08-19 05:29

TheDarkOne's picture

I'm glad. I'm still re-finding my writing feet. Feedback will go a long way.

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