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potential

There used to me
there used to be her
others would concur
we'd always be together, travelling the town
dream one day to travel 'round
unravelling the rubble of our trouble love
from the first day fitting like my leather gloves
now it's winter and I don't have her
now it's winter and she don't have me
the days pass, some fruit, some glumly
she gotta pay her debts, elementary
while I push back regrets to try and fly from this tree
what we share in common? Life's a mystery
come on, spice it up with some cumin - family history
fair to say I'd like you as my missus after missing me
Jesus, my mentality is not to be
dismissed, 'cause normally
I'd keep it to the neck kisses, fucking and a list
of other girls I'd to turn to sweat drops from mist
but I'll sweat shop slave to be your mister like you're my first kiss
'cause you make me feel ballistic and I know you feel the same...

'cause I love you like we met yesterday
I love you like we'll meet tomorrow
our love's potential gets in the way of this sorrow

I feel the haze of shallow brazen love fall by my waist side
peeling the onion layers of you makes me cry
that last night we spent together needn't have said goodbye
'cause I look at you and wonder if we've even said 'hi'
every time we'd smoke a cone, you'd be what gets me high
toking together on a mountain, looking down - coulda died!
Soul satisfied, got me wriving in cliches lines, writing cliche rhymes
fuck off! I'd sacrifice my poet for your feminine tide

Feline curl with me, burly love, come and don't fight
the furling of our pages as we give into the light
eternity: a kite tumbling into the sky
let me blow you up, you can be my balloon bride
I'll see you soon, you pop me open and inspect my insides
a single spectacle magnifying your son that's bright
make your soul take flight, set my substance on fire
siren, make yourself mine, sirens sound as we entwine
it's alarming how you bring out my loudest desire
yet so charming how your eyes pour mother Gaia's
you'll be my madame, make me be your sire
I'm content while I'm by your side
whether in spirit or in body, you I can't disguise
I can't dismiss, can't deny your bliss
can't fight or throw a fist
can't be blind to this or ignore the signs of this
truth is: I love you

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I guess I don't always write in Western structure. (draft name, have any suggestions?) Also I am terrible at punctuating these sort of things well - ideas would be appreciated!
Editing stage: 

Comments

You've taken the subject of love and even cliche
and made it alive and fresh (at least for me)

well done, there are definitely spots that could stand
some editing but I'd let it be read as is for a while,
seems to be performance art, meant to have an
audience ...

thanks for posting, and yes, the title is wrong or doesn't
give it justice, should be more in tune with the theme, add
to the flavor of the "need"

Richard

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