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delilah
locks
like a key
turned
falling like tumblers
the reign in drips
beauties receivership
Editing stage:
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Comments
doomhead
Tue, 2013-06-11 03:16
I've been trying to eliminate similes
from my own writing, so perhaps this is why I stand a little at odds with this poem. Also, the mention of tumblers seems to jar with what is in general (at least in my mind) a less suburban setting. What I enjoy about this poem is it's concise imagery and brutally narrow shape.
Esker
Tue, 2013-06-11 14:19
thank you for the perception of this..
historical refrence yes..
and modern overlap...
Delilah was suburban
an edifice of such
not a battle place
nor quest route....
Narrow shape....
indeed!!
loved
Tue, 2013-06-11 19:46
how about SAMSON
wasn't he the lover
loved
ida
Fri, 2013-06-14 20:29
licks
serpents tongue
heady
castrated victory
shows
highlights in a tangled mane
desire ripped
reaped
cost uncloaked
your poety causes gasp's
thankyou