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Forever Lost

Submitted by brittle light on Sun, 2013-06-09 17:32

a stalk of grass,
a spritely kitten,
at play with a gentle breeze

such enchanting simplicity
I can now only envy
as I trudge through
the density of mind

Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Ian.T

Sun, 2013-06-09 17:43

Ian.T's picture
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That from you seems to make sense, and damn it I can't see or think why lol.
Out there, there are many so simple things,
that can become a universe,
as a face in the clouds that never dulls a day,
Yours Ian, coming out to play

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

brittle light

Sun, 2013-06-09 18:07

brittle light's picture

this is not about what we can see, but rather what we have become. I originally wrote "envy" iinstead of "glimpse" ( line 5 )
does that make it more sensible to you?

your input is much appreciated

Al

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Ian.T

Sun, 2013-06-09 18:45

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These things are never lost the simplicity of being is part of our inner self.
What we have become is our own faults but we have to learn somehow , and to enhance our soul to another level on its journey to perfection.
I think that you inadvertently wrote it as you felt not as the theme dictated.
Maybe your helper wanted you to read it again, yes I understand that Envy could have been there instead of a lost feeling.
As we become older we change our views on many things and our interpretation becomes modified.
I still liked it, which ever face it showed me lol, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-06-10 15:54

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This reads really well now and there is a new thing just shining through.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

brittle light

Mon, 2013-06-10 16:46

brittle light's picture

I like it better myself... thanks for the nudge

Al

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