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Example of how I compare the two writes Rewrite By Wesley of Beau's Poem (Relativity workshop)

Please leave your proper comments on the workshop page,
Thank you yours Ian.T

21st May 2013

I'm not certain if the blue
of the smoke is a trick
of my eyes or if the
plume is as sad
as I am

This cigarette is not sentient
it does not know it burns
but you know you do
and yet

One day this self-destructive behaviour
will kill you all and leave me
here thinking myself
at fault

at least then when I write
about smoke it will
that of your pyre
your peace

Rewrite by Wesley

21st May 2013

I’m not at all sure if the blue of the smoke
is a trick of my eye or what causes you choke.
Is the plume ringing upward as sad as I am?

This faggot knows nothing, not even it burns,
but you're fully aware it’s your life that it spurns.
It’s your flaming ember you've chosen to damn.

One day this fool habit will take all of you
and leave me here thinking that I made it blue.
All meaningless faults I shall lay at my feet.

At least when I write of a blue welkin smog
I’ll write of your pyre and how you had flogged
the life from your lungs chasing peace oh, so sweet.

Comments

I have put both on the same page here first.
So that I could compare them against each other.
The singular edit just lost me, in my antique memory, lol
This is easier for me to see both at the same time,
I also had to search for the original on stream.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

good idea

this page was just an example for the main workshop could you copy your comment to the main workshop page, Thank you Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Should have gone to "Spec Savers" but if you are in Toronto any time I can recommend a very good one lol.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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