River was far more emotional, but this has a solemn beauty in its language. Perhaps the difference between "desire" and "fear". Both are fodder for the poet, but the gentle loveliness here spoke more comfortably to me.
Now, just so I don't seem to be avoiding the "critical" (as I asked of you), I will say that I didn't like the turn toward the "personal" with "I drink you in". Somehow the poem was ever MORE personal when it seemed more general; when I could easily imagine it spoken TO me, possibly about me.
This is a lovely and evocative poem, Anne. I eagerly await your next.

My only critique is my personal prejudice,
I would replace the word god with universe.
The universe exists. God doesn't.

All of your language is so and that was my consideration. That the poem became "personal" being spoken to an individual is not "wrong", it simply felt as though it took the poem away from me. From the beginning it spoke to "me" and it was delightful, then suddenly I lost control of it as you now are speaking to someone else.
Perhaps if the poem had NOT spoken so generally in the beginning I would have easily accepted it from that perspective.
It is a queer thing, but I felt somehow robbed of "my" poem.
Hurry and post more please.

there is a control and tenderness in this script flow
this poetic walk across the season sky of yearning
expressionism......

Thank You!

I've enjoyed this read as it touches gently an important theme.
Welcome to the Neo. I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay here

PS.."sore" line 6 did you mean soar like in soarup...
Never mind , I've done the same mistake more than once:)
Welcome again. 

Marvelous. You still maintained the personal while generalizing it to be "any" special someone.
Now, thank you for being willing to revise. I hope it was satisfying. Even if the original was special enough to leave, the fact that you revised it tells me that you have a comfortable place here at NeoPoet. You took a risk to improve it and thereby (we trust) you learned a different way of looking at something in your poetry.
THAT is what this site is all about.
Not necessarily better or worse, but different and that provokes growth.
Welcome again. I hope you stick around.
Look into some of the workshops. Stan is running "theory of relativity". Even if you don't join in on the chaos, check it out and see how we teach ourselves.

you are going to cop a lot of crap here on Neopoet. True poets don't limit themselves to a god or many gods. Especially the nasty god that suggests we all have original sin and need to be saved.

We gave up on Zeus, Odin and many others because we have evolved to thinking for ourselves.

Jesus doesn't even exist in history and his nasty idea of original sin is enough reason to dismiss the ideas out of hand.

Did you know New Testament was written with no historical evidence of Jesus even existing? The early Christian martyrs were persecuted because there was some fanatic fool who was some idiot who said we would all die and go to hell because the world would end soon. They deserved it.

Jesus is not your saviour, Chritianity causes your human shame that makes you think you need saving.