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A short poem

Submitted by Nordic cloud on Thu, 2013-05-23 09:15

Falling off a cloud
Rolling into space
The moon

Style / type:

Free verse

Last few words:

Haiku-like

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Rula

Thu, 2013-05-23 10:30

a lightsome

little gem dear anna.
Nothing to suggest. Enjoyed .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Nordic cloud

Thu, 2013-05-23 15:46

Thank you dear Rula, I like

Thank you dear Rula, I like to hear from you, I like your poetry,
and thank you Ian too, yes the moon she is a temptress in the sky.

Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

Ian.T

Thu, 2013-05-23 11:52

Ann

A short vision of the quiet moon, lovely,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loveslave

Thu, 2013-05-23 12:41

I love haiku. I myself at times try to create good haiku but it's actually more difficult than it seems. It's a challenge, trying to stay within the 5/7/5 three line structure but it's fun nonetheless. Your poem speaks of dreams, time and space...

D Steele aka loveslave

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2013-05-23 15:44

loveslave

I never bother about the 5/7/5 business,
it's the essence of a haiku that makes it a haiku, not the structure,
it works in Japanese because of their language,
ours is more clumsy and if one strives too much the message will not read well.

Like the arrow "going of itself" as it is meant to, not contrived,
they are masters of the control with no control, of the brush,
as they are with their haiku.

That's why I called them short poems, well I have more such.
Make sure the meaning is more important than the count.

Like the famous one

The ancient pond
a frog jumps in
silence again

Of course there are more than a hundred varieties of this
in translation and we can never be sure of they are totally
correct, another thing is the association of their words with
their meanings, they have so many particular meaning to
the words, as they are also symbols and we miss out on the
aesthetic in this was too. But we can try our best to breath
their magic can't we.

Thank you for the comment Love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

Nordic cloud

Fri, 2013-05-24 16:04

Dribbling the moon Mark? :)

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

Ian.T

Fri, 2013-05-24 03:45

Ann

As the world turns and new things happen the writing of Japanese type works have changed.
From the traditional 5-7-5 it is acceptable now to waver this exact form, I think that the inclusion of a season reference is still there, in that a Haiku is about the four seasons and all others are put as Senyru

Haiku
Modern Japanese haiku are increasingly unlikely to follow the tradition of 17 syllables 5-7-5, or to take nature as their subject, but the use of juxtaposition continues to be honoured in both traditional and modern haiku
There is a common, although relatively recent, perception that the images juxtaposed must be directly observed everyday objects or occurrences.
In Japanese, haiku are traditionally printed in a single vertical line while haiku in English often appear in three lines to parallel the three phrases of Japanese haiku.
Previously called hokku, haiku was given its current name by the Japanese writer Masaoka Shiki at the end of the 19th century.
.
Senryū
literally 'river willow') is a Japanese form of short poetry similar to haiku in construction: three lines with 17 or fewer total “morae” often translated as syllables,
Senryū tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature, and Senryū are often cynical or darkly humorous while Haiku are more serious. Unlike Haiku, Senryū do not include a Kiri (cutting word), and do not generally include a Kigo, or season word.
So this short write of yours would come into the Senyru group..
I have been trying to conform to the traditional form but it is now acceptable to vary.
Go well young Lady of the North, know you are in our thoughts,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Nordic cloud

Fri, 2013-05-24 16:03

I am sue some will find this

I am sue some will find this most interesting Ian,
thank you, I have followed quite a bit on such too,
they are fun, we tend to make them up as we walk
in the woods, Erik and I if something starts them
off and it often does. great fun, there are so many
fine Japanese ones and similar poetry in the
older Chinese ones too.

Love to you and I hope all is well with you too.
Ann of the north.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

loved

Fri, 2013-05-24 20:01