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Let You Go

Submitted by Gabbers on Wed, 2013-05-22 18:07

I was sweet when you came to stay,
But I clenched my fist when I gave you away.
I saw you break and burn and rust,
But it was clear that you broke my trust.

Why are we both so mean?
Why can’t we just come clean
And mend the past to score the present,
With happiness, then our anger relent.

“I love you, I love you!” we once had said,
When all was fine before fear and dread.
Then when I realized nothing was true,
I closed my eyes and away you flew.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Tell me what you think! :) I was here at Neopoet a few years ago as Min, but didn't have time to post more poems during that time. I love this site, I just had to come back!
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Ian.T

Wed, 2013-05-22 18:49

Ian.T's picture
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You see that things you love do come back even if you have let them go, but if they don't come back then as the old saying goes, hunt them down etc:lol.
A good write and Beau has said most all there is to say, just a tweak on line four as I think that there are too many and's in that line:-
I saw you break and burn and rust,-- I saw you break,burn then rust.. ??
Welcome back and I hope that we can talk some more in poetry,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Gabbers

Wed, 2013-05-22 20:50

Gabbers's picture

Thank you both so much!!!

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