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serenity
in the midst of morning mist
when shrubs, their petalled branches,
usher towards the sky
and trampled grass, though muted,
utterly refuse to die
where trees, in their devoir,
shadows cast that lull
and heaven, through woolly clouds,
the sun allows to shine,
i sense the heave of tired tides
invade the slumber of the day
till wearily the cumbered mass
retire to the borders of the sway
where wings inexhaustibly wave
at wooded lands and plains,
an eagle majestically climbs
the afternoon to prey
in the midst of all this bliss i'll stay
and lounge my days away
i'll hear my children chime
and their songs without a rhyme
i'll witness their naivety
and savor their piety
i want to hear
the nonsense...they utter in my ear
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Wed, 2013-04-24 00:47
wonderful images
Can't choose a fav. line as i really like it all but if I were you , I would be more than satisfied with the first stanza
I've muchly enjoyed reading you mister N.
I forgot to say i really liked the internal rhymes and the alliteration
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Roscoe Lane
Wed, 2013-04-24 01:24
Sounds,
Sounds idyllic i could sit there with you, Regards Roscoe...PS a heartfelt welcome to Neopoet.
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
nokros
Wed, 2013-04-24 12:15
thnx
for reading Rula - appreciate your insight. Let's roll Roscoe - thnx for the welcome.
themoonman
Thu, 2013-04-25 04:27
Welcome back,
I remember you from the pre-crash days.
I like your poem, a serene time for sure.
Second line; when shrubs their pleated branches
when you read this aloud, don't you pause after
"shrubs", it is a natural pause but not indicated.
I personally would change much of this but, would
it improve the poem or just spin my own thoughts in?
I do think some work could be done on the natural
meter or flow but ... it does work as is.
and savior their piety; found that so very interesting,
thought at first you'd misused a word "savor" but, I
believe you've written what you intended.
thank you for posting, enjoyed the read,
Richard
nokros
Thu, 2013-04-25 06:27
thnx Moonman
for stopping by - you're right - should read "savor"