Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
TANGLED JOURNEY
I look ahead, what do I see?
stragglers on the path
of my parents' generation
as they top that distant hill.
The same hill which just
came into view
as the boomer mob approaches it
on the well worn twisting route
which remembers each step
each divide and stride.
And now I, a straggling boomer
turn to look behind
and to my surprise I see
sons and daughters looking at me
just as I looked at those ahead
just as all have looked
and always will
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Another detour into unfamiliar territory
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Wed, 2013-04-24 00:26
hello Stan
Ah this journey! Hope it to be fruitful for those who preceded, us and our kids!
First line, I thought may be you don't need the question
Simply,
I look ahead (to /and )see
Second line, "stragglers" do you really need to capitalize?
I liked the " straggling boomer" ,is it your own expression?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
scribbler
Wed, 2013-04-24 16:16
Hi Rula
Thank you for your thoughts. I think I'll keep the first line as is in order to maintain a slight level of surprise that those in front are mostly out of sight now. The stragglers being capitalize was a cursed typo and will be corrected now. "straggling boomer" ....I guess I Did make that up lol. The straggler part to describe those who bring up the rear of a crowd and the boomer part is short for baby boomers which describes the generation born between the second world war and the Korean war...........................stan
author comment