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tempered in the rage
There are no gentle movements
into a calm goodnight
there is a rage
of intemperance
in the stupidity
of attempting to mark,
as to be in memory
there is no remembrance
as one I arrived bare
maggots my butlers,
devouring each and every
shedding,
eventually
being their main
course
a life in circles moves
a thousand years
shall pass in the spinifex,
the dust shall blow
across the page
of my existence
scratching out all
I ever was
generations vortex from the future
and stretch to brush my mind
A memory before their time
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2013-04-16 10:31
Jayne
That you write of being the dust of an existence, that will be blown away as the breeze flows.
Yet there must be a spirit left to travel on..
Loved the write it is good for you to be showing these thoughts on paper, yet storing them in that place we never talk of..
Take care young Lady the children will be there to hold your hands..
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Seren
Wed, 2013-04-17 08:54
Ian
I am very happy you iked this one I appreciate the read and your thoughts, I sometimes get a little maudlin this was one of those times,
thank you for the lovely comment
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
loved
Tue, 2013-04-16 12:19
you simply excel
you simply excel
that's all what I can tell
such poetic vision
doesn’t come to me …
I am a straight out one
you do see
but upon time’s graves
we all lay bare
some unaware
that someday we all will meet somewhere…
in the far folds of eternity
as apparitions maybe….
in the form of what many still think
as aliens so be it
loved
Seren
Wed, 2013-04-17 08:55
Loved
yet again your comment could be poetry, thanks for the read and the comment I am very glad you liked it
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Josephus
Tue, 2013-04-16 20:40
Jayne
You have a talent my friend. The descriptive quality of this is exceptional. The topic is indigo dark without relief. The theme reminds me of Ozymandias. Yet I know from reviewing your other works, that you have much more positive dimensions. That makes this one dark facet in a brilliantly lit multifaceted stained glass of your consciousness. There may be some technical issues in this but I can't find one. You also had me running to google over spinifex! :-)
Joe
My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.
Seren
Wed, 2013-04-17 08:59
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Is one of my favourites I have a few of his books here he was a genius I am humbled to be mentioned in the same breath, I just love to write one day I might even get good enough to fullfil my dreams, but study first ;)
thanks for your time and the wonderful comment its very much appreciated
love JC
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Bonitaj
Wed, 2013-04-17 04:04
Wow Jayne!
loved ever line and how you culminated the meaning engendered by the title ... In the very last line!
Splendid
Boni
Bonitaj
Seren
Wed, 2013-04-17 09:00
Thanks Boni
I am very happy you liked it its good to see you back here again your presence has been missed hugs
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats