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A Mantle of Wonder

Submitted by Seren on Sun, 2013-04-14 07:28

whisper to me in dark places,
unshackling my mute form

revive the thousand voices,
I have sustained in a forever
unspoken and formless
so as to be forgotten,
it was in a night-scape,
the void of sound
negated speech

I break into flight,
with an oath choking
on my first cry

I drift on the hair of my nape,
as the weave of my cloth
spirals, for a moment

as gums bleed out
the rhythm in my shade, refrains

I ask of you,
caress me in the softness
of mourning,
whisper to me of dark places

for now,
I am a broken vow of silence
spoken in a thousand tongues

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Josephus

Sun, 2013-04-14 08:08

Josephus's picture

Jayne this is such a well written work expressing pain and anguish internalized and hidden seeking a heart to listen and care. "I break. Into flight with an oath choking on my first cry" is just wracked with emotion; almost too painful to read.

You have a talent. I thoroughly enjoy your work however the word "enjoy" seems inappropriate in this instance.... Possibly "being compelled" would fit in this case

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

Seren

Tue, 2013-04-16 07:18

Seren's picture

Thank you so much for the read and review its always appreciated
I plan to edit this some more a few things that need tweaking

thanks again for the visit

love Jayne-Chloe

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Seren

Wed, 2013-04-17 08:46

Seren's picture

double post

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Ian.T

Tue, 2013-04-16 10:17

Ian.T's picture
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Beautifully written, is this a cry from the past, echoing across the void to your thoughts if you allow it too bother you..
It is hard to quiet a thousand tongues when they are carried on the ether.
Yet you do, and there you are writing with a description, so that it goes away for ever ??
Take care young Lady and know we think of you,
Yours Ian.T and friends

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seren

Wed, 2013-04-17 08:48

Seren's picture

thanks for the read and the comment I appreciate your time and your thoughts

love always JC x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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