Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Wonton Disregard

Tasseled red lacquered chandeliers
Delicate muraled rice wallpaper
With quotes from Li Po
soft oriental carpets
Black minimalist chairs and tables
Subtly discordant Zhong-Hu melody
Steaming Lo Mein

Overstuffed nose ringed
Bleached blonde waitress
Stainless steel utensils

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

comments this time from me
sorry

loved

That is the essence of art, value is in the eye of the beholder.

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

Blonde waitress

now you challenge me
Blonde waitress

a solo guy watches
all come and go

which one will come
then not go
awaiting some one
who has failed to come...

get up saiolor your time has come
god has sent you a free gift
go the
Blonde waitress...
now lift
and
be this the aim of your life
do justice
as you may wish

sailor now you ought to be happy
the night is still young
a new story has now sprung

loved

I'm happy that my little poem served as a muse for yours.

Be happy my sweet friend,

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

you know

friend
you are a great sport...
how many young ones
must have savoured your love

i won't ask

but i can guess

if only i had been that young
and
then opposite you

the world
sailor
i won't have shared with you
and
you wouldv'e then known
why in life
a real woman
a man ought to own

all get plenty of dairy milk
but a cow
can't of their own
own

sad but tis
sailor friend
don't take me amiss..

loved

I was looking out of the window of the Li Po Cocktail Lounge in Frisco, as the ping pong music drifted across the room, waiting for my steaming bowl of food, No 42 on the menu, and I thought what a contrast from chop sticks to stainless steel, with a shuffling beautifully correct waitress as opposed to this mockery of western culture of peroxide and inflated personality for a waitress.
Then I saw you scribbling away with your pen on a scruffy pad of yellowing paper, and it came to me that I would let you write the poem and I could read it later..
There are no crits on this one, you just had to be there and see what you were writing about LOL..
Good write Joe, Yours Sparrow

PS:- The ref to No 42 is something to do with the answer to everything lol

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Gan xie Ian xian sheng

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

Gan xie Ian xian sheng

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

I've sat here and I read your poem a few times looking for something to crit but I have failed, your imagery is fantastic I could see it all in my mind

kudos

love JC x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

I find enjoyment in describing environments and the people within them. Glad you found the poem's imagery enjoyable.

Thanks again.

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

'fei chang gan xie' for your thanks, I only speak English but love to see what others are talking about and loving Africa it was a pleasure to look up.
While in Africa in the 80's and 90's I worked a lot with many of the Eastern people, especially the Zulu people and I felt that their way of life and integrity was beyond reproach, and it fitted my way of thinking.
My son use to talk with what we call the click talk as he spent hours learning of the African way..
Anyway you are quoting Chinese at me and that was strange coming from Ghana... Go well, I see you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Over the years I've traveled widely, for business unfortunately, and always within very compressed timings. Only occasionally did I find time to "smell the roses". Out of necessity I learned a few words in numerous languages. Curiously enough Mandarin was one I acquired about 30 words and phrases in due to the complete lack of English in the regions of mainland China in which I traveled in the 80s.
To my regret the words and phrases I knew, no matter which language, were invariably questions or introductions. I was never able to develop conversational levels of the languages I used; hence the lonely cone of silence that always encloses a lone traveler in out of the way destinations.

Good to learn more about each other. I look forward to more as these posts evolve.

Best regards,

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

I am very bad at learning other languages but my children are so much switched on.
My daughter passed her nursing exams in Africans,
My eldest son speaks German and as he is married to a Japanese girl, he speaks that also.
My youngest son spoke click and Zulu with Afrikaans.
Me I would understand what most were saying in those languages, but could never get my head around talking other than English with a slight Wiltshire accent, but accents here is another story lol,
Take care will walk with you again soon, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I liked the contrast,
'consider the uncarved block'
Tao Te Ching
Lao Tsu

Thanks Ross. Having spent many hours in restaurants inChina, Ours in Canada are a bit jarring in their melding of our cultures!

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.