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Look at me! ...

Submitted by Geezer on Thu, 2010-12-23 18:35

I'll be back to see you
I'll be back if I can
I"ll be back to see you
You know that's how I am

I'll want to let you know...
There is nothing to fear
And... I love you so
I will always be near

I haven't gone away from you
Look around, remember and see
See it now... I'm here with you
The world was a wonder to me

I wanted to see the best in man
I was cynical... I ever would
I laughed, I cried at stupid things
No one let me love... like you could

So don't grieve, and cry
Don't let life pass you by
Live each day as it comes
Life has it's sheen
It's as it's always been

Dance to the pounding of the drums

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I dreamt that I was on the "other" side, and was trying to communicate with my wife and friends.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Thu, 2010-12-23 18:56

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so many poems of the one left behind, to see one about the leaver is refreshing. The last full stanza and final line were terrific..................scribbler

Geezer

Fri, 2010-12-24 10:17

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I tried to show that those who leave this life, must surely feel the sadness that we have at OUR loss. We say that "they have gone to a better place." But we are not comforted. If love is such that we are convinced that it never dies, let us be also convinced that it survives on the other side too. ~ Gee

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author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2010-12-24 10:24

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we forget, that the ones we love, love us right back. When we are deprived of that person's presence in our reality, then we feel alone. I don't think that is the case. If you believe that there is after-life, then you must believe that those people are as aggrieved as we are that they can no longer be with us. ~ Love ya right back, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Eduardo Cruz

Fri, 2010-12-24 14:05

Eduardo Cruz's picture

You conveyed the distance so well, that before I read it was a dream of departure, i knew that the message was from a far.
truly enjoy this dark write from you.
thanks for sharing what we all sometimes dream!
Always Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Geezer

Fri, 2010-12-24 15:10

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of it as being dark, just a message to let people know, that we can always bring back those who have crossed anytime that we remember the things that they loved, and the things that we shared with them.
It was a message that I felt was worth sharing, and from the responses, I guess I was right. Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Xavier Sleuth

Tue, 2021-07-27 14:42

Xavier Sleuth's picture

"I laughed, I cried at stupid things"
Don't we all tho'?

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

Geezer

Tue, 2021-07-27 16:49

Geezer's picture
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we do. In reading all your reviews, I found some errors and corrected them, some small things to smooth out the work and a great deal of joy, to see that yet another, found my poems worth reading. Thank you! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

lovedly

Mon, 2021-08-02 18:32

lovedly's picture

When will you agree
there is no other side
In 1977 I met with an accident
was dead repeat DEAD
for 5 minutes
No one came to meet me

I lost 5 minutes of memory
and half side of my body
Then I was again alive and active
my two young kids were some where in the water

It's a full story some time later
.But I exhort humanity
use your brains only
without synapses zero are we
and you all know it

Why hang on a tree
with no branches
just our fancy
you poets call it Imagery
LOL

Hope this time you may agree
even though partially
'Twill make me happy and you will
COMMENCE TO THINK

Geezer

Tue, 2021-08-03 09:35

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about it many times, and I can argue both sides. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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