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..t..a..l..c..........

sincere
the breath of time comes to linger
and lay

like china smiles
tinged glass

slide drawer with cards
and cigarette silver case

drawn away thoughts
by a raucous cry of a dark bird
whose shiny eye exclaims

voices from realms
a visitation in steps
an engine idling in park

a phone cell number
when bored for a lark

we wait broken from the spell
the cloy of antiseptic balm
and boiler steam heat

fingerprints on brass numeral
buttons

a wing of wind catches tufts
of locks
shiny with shampoo and dusted
with the glory finesse of musky
perfume

squinting in a bright sun
the dark flesh of blue as clear
as a bells peal
and snowdrops spinning
down in their slow wake
landing on maybelline mascara
on lash tips
on glowing green specked
beauty with their dark point
of pupil steady
lost to distant thoughts
and vision

the sunlight sheen
on lipgloss moments
pursed
while monstrous heavy
buses stroll past
a carriage of faces

and a driver playing
east Indian music
nudges a yellow
north american beast
over winter drenched
flyers for a strip
club

and I open her door
in a sea of hair tonic
and spices
Her fur ruff
startled in the cold
Atlantic static
front that hovers
estate waiting

the funeral showing
is seasoned with
the last snows
and the city like
a minature place
turns to its burgundy
hues alight with the
purpose of stars

Editing stage: 

Comments

But where was that club? And what happened in it? My appetite is whetted.

not far from So Ho

author comment

which is pretty fascinating...In the game Nico Belic
drives around the pretend NYC called LIBERTY CITY
which leads me to watch shows on Television that
contain shots of the real New York..

I then checked out the term Talc which is not a club
but a mineral used in many products and to add weight
to Heroin for street value upping...Astringent and anti-
perspirant etc... The poem is about characters going
through an apartment of a deceased...cycling thoughts
which if I was using a camera would be different then
just writing a random order of words...In the game one
can move and one can cycle the characters views in
a three sixty radius...There are random dialogues etc
that go on in the game....All of this comes with me when
I walk or when Im sitting here writing as a thought process
along with previous years happenings or random
memories or dreams that trigger specific things to
add to a poem......

author comment

Really helpful. Esker. And I adore the imagery.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

You are welcome. thanks for the read and comment

author comment

sincere --how can breath be sincere?
the breath of time comes to linger
and lay

like china smiles- this is self indulgent, china what, plates? how do they smile?
tinged glass-this makes sense

slide drawer with cards
and cigarette silver case

drawn away thoughts
by a raucous cry of a dark bird
whose shiny eye exclaims-exclaims? sounds archaic

voices from realms-same with realms, too Shakespearean
a visitation in steps
an engine idling in park-this is more authentic

a phone cell number
when bored for a lark

we wait broken from the spell
the cloy of antiseptic balm
and boiler steam heat-you keep leaving dependent clauses dangling like forgotten washing

fingerprints on brass numeral
buttons- this is good

a wing of wind catches tufts
of locks
shiny with shampoo and dusted
with the glory finesse of musky
perfume- this too is great

squinting in a bright sun
the dark flesh of blue as clear-how is dark flesh blue--this is sloppy, dark blue flesh suggests a bruise almost the opposite of what you're after.
as a bells peal
and snowdrops spinning
down in their slow wake--the above is great, the 'ow' of snow echoed in slow, very satisfying.
landing on maybelline mascara (maybelline mascara I seem to remember you've used this before)
on lash tips
on glowing green specked
beauty with their dark point
of pupil steady-this is really good, great rolling rhythm
lost to distant thoughts
and vision

the sunlight sheen
on lipgloss moments
pursed
while monstrous heavy
buses stroll past
a carriage of faces-great sonics and images, particularly 'buses stroll'

and a driver playing
east Indian music
nudges a yellow
north american beast
over winter drenched
flyers for a strip
club--this too is really good, perfectly puts the reader there

and I open her door
in a sea of hair tonic---sea seems cliched and overly dramatic
and spices
Her fur ruff
startled in the cold
Atlantic static
front that hovers
estate waiting--this is great, lovely play on the 'a-t' sounds

the funeral showing
is seasoned with
the last snows
and the city like
a minature place
turns to its burgundy
hues alight with the
purpose of stars- like this too, although I think you over use enjambment throughout the poem to help the rhythm along, don't think its that necessary. Sometimes i think your inventiveness and great ear for a line seduces you into writing lines and images that are all sound and no meaning, but mostly your work is exciting
and a reward to read..

China reference I was thinking china marker
how once can lightly use these to draw
to smudge blend

but you would have to use them to know the pastels you coax
lines done seduce me....I like how you safely put it in as Writing
rather then thinking when the poem and comments are about
thinking othewise how do we truly think...thats fine I think there
are many fine fishermen and women poets..I have them
here in my city..

bruises come in many tones and colours
and many have not a happy day have had
but hurtful to get through them

but thats written in as such

I realize that there is a lot more going on
my my creative form
and writing then I include...
instead leaving things hanging at the end
You mention Mascara
but not how it makes you feel or
your expansion on this

you dont ask why I continue to us it either
so I wont explain
Unless others want to query me on this

enjambment I have no idea ross what this is
sorry
Dark blue being sloppy
its up to the reader I guess
for interpretation

I dont see bruise written in here in re read
I write these fast sometime
so I dont know what you are comparing
but then Im in a hurry to get to work
and on the bike

I congrat you on the long comment though
thank you for taking the time

will try to get back but busy
today

Thank You

author comment

all my hallucinations.....

i feel the reeling in and out of drugged teenagers
from a cinema hall or a nudist club

once when in down - town
i stopped for a while unknowingly
at a strip club door ...
the guy said come in
remove all
i wondered what all

your epicurial poetry
is one such a one
I wonder why some one dares critique
purely metaphorical tis..

loved

still not good..pain runs down front of leg..left side..
Dogs jerk on their leads..I carried Food Bank food through
mall to see how I prowl under a heavy load..Foolish at my
age with highway miles...wake up in morning with an
ache like a raw root canal in lower back...takes half a day
before the pain killers and just motion keeps it at Bay..

I love the critiques here....Ross asks questions I bet others
want to ask....There are bruisings one gets on the flesh like
the mists or cloud cover that does replicate the sky...summer
or cold spring that pinkish tone...mixed with a blue...
I had them heavy when I drank....from myself and others
and my mother dying of cancer long ago had an arm a handful
where her meds and needles went to dull the pain inside her

thats what the sky reminds me of now..Hurt and beauty
how precious life is..
how we take it for granted

Shakespearean ..How I love that!! I love shakespeare
that dude could write....and the characters..

I would want to tell the honey bee that technically he cannot fly
but I do like his beauty too in flight

I will go look up enjambment one day
but I guess if I read this over and over I can fathom it..

anyway work was nothing....a trip across town was
then the back pain and exhaustion just put me out
for entire afternoon...dreams and waking to their voices
and the step daughter bringing in my pack to play and
tease them as they slept about me curled when she
left to help make dinner and chat with her young man

I am very lucky to hit this old age and just start to feel
the effects of all those times...
I like that Ross likes the poetry....I understand how
people want it to run better..More qaulified....
Ive actually thought about taking an eglish class again
at the college for writing and poetry..I dont know if they
have this up there...It was big in the seventies here..
Our city has a few poets and writers....

Glad to get the feedback....

Thank You all for care and for concerns on this poem

author comment

words simply flow from your mind
like water flows
down the vast rivers
of all kind

but your words are as sweet
as wine
can we have bit of more
supreme divine and spirits superfine..

hope your pain now
doesn't prevent you to dine..

loved

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