Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

And an Ha'penny Coin

Submitted by docmaverick on Mon, 2013-03-11 03:29

I took a stroll the other day,
and even though the day was grey
I spied children playing in the sun,
an elderly couple holding hands,

and an ha'penny coin that had not yet, begun to lose it’s lustre.
So, I put the ha'penny coin in my pocket.

I continued walking forward into darkdom

unbeknownsto & inbetween the shadows

apparently, just for added effect;

I walked until I met up with a vendor…
and he yearned for my pocket to be empty.
So, I took the haepenny coin from my pocket,
and even though the day was old…

the night was young and full of promise.
I purchased from him, his wares…

and the vendor's wares was a granted wish, "especially", for me,

and quickly, I wished for more wishes;

not entirely assured if they'd even come to fruition, at all.

Then, I walked the night with nothing in my pockets, at all…
...but a heart full of hope to keep me warm.
I walked out of the shadows, into the moonlight, that night…
’til I passed by a passerby, who was so very dry, & parched of the magic of hope,

he yearned for what was in my possession,

so I shared with him my dream concerning hope…

and then, I put his ha'penny coin.......(to fill the void in my disguise).....into my pocket !

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This may, or may not be my "last" edit..............................................stay tuned. doc. :)
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Workshop: 
Storytelling in Verse (sempiternal)

Comments

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-03-11 04:06

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi Doc, your title is phonetically correct but to us old ones here in the UK that used the item to purchase a loaf long years ago it was misspelt as I have put below:-
a ha-penny (pronounced "HAY-penny")
A small thing I am not sure of the validity of the line:-
inbetwixt & between the shadows;
There seems to be an echo of the adjective there if between is one of those things lol:- either "inbetwixt the shadows" or "between the shadows" will do for this line, am not sure if inbetwix is a proper word..
Your theme is good, but when writing just watch out for the old way of saying things like Twix, it is now a chocolate bar in the UK lol.
Take care young man and keep writing..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

docmaverick

Thu, 2013-03-14 02:37

docmaverick's picture

...I was merely "toying" & inventing my options;
nes 'pa?
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Frenchf

Mon, 2013-03-11 18:23

Presumably the same half penny . Haepenny being referred to? You have changed style

docmaverick

Thu, 2013-03-14 02:40

docmaverick's picture

...would the ha'penny affect the quality....or...the quantity, of "said" purchase?
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Ian.T

Thu, 2013-03-14 03:35

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Hay is dried grass blessed by the sun.
Ha is what I do when having fun.
Penny is the girl next door,
That's it I'll say no more.

Have a great time writing out there, there is nothing to prove life is serious. La LaYours Spuggy

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

wesley snow

Thu, 2013-03-14 12:25

wesley snow's picture
Volunteer badge

... I prefer the "haepenny" spelling and as you know I throw archaics, rare and obsolete around like candy, so I have no difficulty with some of your minor tongue twisters.
I think I understand what happened here. This is important. I don't think the poem is lacking that I'm not absolutely sure what went down. I think it is my own obtuseness. These also points out something I mentioned recently (sort of recently), that story is not indicative of size. A story can be told in very few words (or so they tell me, I've not had much luck in that direction).
I'm a little of a sucker for this as I enjoy a "round" story. Meaning the story circles back in a sense to its beginning as here.
But maybe you could help out a hick and offer a little "talk" on the poem. I'd like to know your intentions with the piece.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.