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chasm

Submitted by Esker on Thu, 2013-02-28 10:40

far beneath the belly of the beast
the jungle crawls
silver and polished with the hot sun
the whine of the turbine
and the wear on the carbine

heavy and incoming
Pall Malls
and deaths
pall riding shotgun

and the gleaming fire of
the sun burning its hot
visions through the green
visor

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Starlight

Thu, 2013-02-28 17:26

Starlight's picture

paints images in my head, nice job.

weirdelf

Fri, 2013-03-01 03:31

weirdelf's picture
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your imagery and emotional content are as potent as ever. However I think I perceive a move in your ideologies towards the conservative that bothers me considerably. This is not the Orgami I felt like a spiritual brother to. I hope I am wrong.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Frenchf

Sat, 2013-03-02 17:42

Through your words

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