Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I lost my senses

Submitted by Rula on Wed, 2013-02-27 13:39

I came to touch my world,
the things I used to feel,
but no intimacy's found,
nothing today feels real.

Not the aroma of mom's cookies,
nor the freshness of the dew
came this morning to me.
Nothing this day smells true.

My eye, once caught the colors
of the rainbow painting the sea,
see none today to wash
my flowers, the grass and the tree.

I'd hear the whisper of the land
the happy chirps of the bird.
I heard the unspoken words,
but all those sounds today fade.

Nothing tasts sweet on my tongue
today, but bitterly sour,
like oppression and cruelty
when press and overpower.

I have lost my senses,
my home is no more mine.
I'll forever miss Its sun,
no smile shall ever shine.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Comments

William Saint George

Thu, 2013-02-28 03:41

A very nostalgic poem. There

A very nostalgic poem. There's a hint of regret in it too.

The reference to home is powerful. Is this inspired by real life events?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Rula

Thu, 2013-02-28 04:39

Thank you sir William

This is a hint to my Home Palestine. Though I never lived there, I most often feel a lot of nostalgia to be there.
Many thanks for dropping by and leaving such a supportive comment .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Rula

Thu, 2013-02-28 08:25

Thanks Sir Crud

Many thanks for offering with much generosity
your valuable thoughts. I promise to work on this
I am very happy that this one touched you in a way or another.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

judyanne

Mon, 2013-03-04 09:17

I love this

I have a few suggestion – all imo as you know :)

‘The aroma of mom's cookies’ - can I suggest
‘not aroma of mom's cookies’ to fit with
‘nor the freshness of the dew
came this morning to me.’

and
‘My eye, once caught the colors
of the rainbow mirrored in the sea,’ - this line is a tad long –
perhaps something like ‘of the rainbow painting the sea’?
‘ see none today to wash
my flowers, the grass and the sea.’
you have used ‘sea’ twice here….

‘I have lost my senses,
my home's no more mine’ – rhythm here
‘my home is no more mine’ fits better to my ear

a beautiful, melancholy write – I felt the sadness, great word usage to achieve this
well done rula
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Rula

Mon, 2013-03-04 10:02

Dear Judy

I really appreciate your visit especially knowing your limited time these days.

Edits done.
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Neopoet

I lost my senses