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Spaced out
Today your mind is
Hovering in a new place
That we can't get to
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Correct for haiku?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Sat, 2013-02-23 19:03
I Agree
We are all individual minds, that we touch others is a joy, we write and interact with each other, yet we remain as a singular Spirit, that in many ways knows each of the others but cannot interfere or interface.
Today your mind is
Hovering in a new place
That we can't get to.
This is the prime directive, that we cannot interfere with another's ways, that the mind of someone has moved away, is it because you tried to touch it ???..
Loved the write it is a Philosophy on our being,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
brittle light
Sat, 2013-02-23 19:09
can happen to the best of us!
can happen to the best of us!
I like the thought.
"today your mind is hovering a place we can't get to".
your version sounds a little like trying to give it Haiku form, which it really isn't
it's still kind of cool
Al
brittle light
Sat, 2013-02-23 19:12
oops
double post
Al
weirdelf
Sat, 2013-02-23 19:28
Essence of modern haiku
A true achievement
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Esker
Sat, 2013-02-23 20:16
away away.....
fave line about that Scottish King
the fine ladies chatting about
their fire and mixing vat..............
If I had a time machine I would
return to Delphi to hear
wisdom from the virgins...
inhalants
Mint condition goods....
I remember canoeing in the fog
Dead Reckoning...
as luck would have it I have a ton
of intuition
have it coming out my ass as some
would say!!
like the horseshoe saying
Great poem!!!
Frenchf
Mon, 2013-02-25 07:29
Thank you all
Thought get to brought it to a more common level! Access. I'll tey it but may not sound as good.
Yes quite right Beau was senryu