Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
My Poet Tree
What was a joy,
'twas once a toy,
a clever tool used for amusement;
was but a lark,
but then the bark,
began falling on the pavement.
Vulnerable outside,
gave a glimpse inside,
what was a bag of tricks;
other methods used,
unbalanced, and confused;
now I've much more wax than wicks.
At times amazed,
sometimes unfazed,
tree's branches bend, and relax;
the roots are deep,
but the grades more steep,
the leaves on the ground hide the tracks.
Gravity betrays,
cognitive thought decays,
branches baring from the breeze;
exposing birds,
who'll take off like words,
both, migrating towards more degrees.
That's not to say,
I owned not my "day",
many seasons yielded, plump;
my thoughts are tethered,
forever weathered,
my name carved faintly on the stump.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Seren
Sat, 2013-02-23 08:32
Doc,
Doc,
The rhythm and pace are great, I can't find fault
Nicely done
Love Jc xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
docmaverick
Sat, 2013-02-23 15:12
Thanx, ms. dipity....
..for reading, commenting, but mostly for finding no fault.
Thanx, for that;
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
Frenchf
Sat, 2013-02-23 17:54
You won't like me then
But I would have said
"words,
migrate towards more degrees"
docmaverick
Sun, 2013-02-24 12:11
I will ALWAYS....
...not only like, but LOVE my frenchfRIES! All seriousness, aside....did I perchance, repair my hic-cup...I hope?!
What s, you?
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
Frenchf
Tue, 2013-02-26 13:10
I thought that the pacing and tempo
would improve withouth the "both" in that line. it was such a nice write