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WINTER

Winter
the old ones' time of death
when sustenence is scarce
when starvation is bountiful
and disease is
rampant

Winter
the artist's time of contrasts
white and black
green and red
bleak and beautiful
serene

Winter
time of extremes
weather's playground
of thaws and blizzards
ice and rain
fractile

I am as winter
within me dwells the worst and best
sacrifice as I lend a coat
greed as I over eat
peace as I doze before the fire
anxiety, as I wait the end
of
winter

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I again touch the free verse fire to see if it burns yet
Editing stage: 

Comments

But the last verse where the tone changed

The last verse went from describing actual winter to comparing self to winter. I guess having to explain it means I didn't do very well........................stan

author comment

The most unusual Winter poem I have read,
I liked the way you arranged it and its content.

Good poem stan, love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

i reckon any free verse by me is likely to be a bit odd lol. Appreciate the visit.............stan

author comment

I must admit I am confused by this piece. It seems the poem starts as a 'buckle down against the dangerous elements of Winter' but in the last stanza. It would seem you are personifying Winter until the very end. It easily could be a conscious decision, but it did raise a question in my mind as to what the poem was ultimately attempting to say.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

I think I've figured out a fix. Try it now..............stan

author comment

I think I figured out a fix..................stan

author comment

Well done poem. I didn't see the comparison of life and the seasons, and honestly you make winter (which I love) seem so peaceful and enjoyable with the resting by the fire imagery. I get it now. Perhaps a line where you say the end of Winter will gingerly carry my bones to rest that would really bring it home. I know subtlety is a great thing but sometimes boneheads like me don't get it, hehe.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

Subtext is a problem I always struggle with. I seem to either hit with a sledgehammer thus making it too obvious or I leave it too much to the reader to figure out if there IS a subtext. And this is so in my familiar rhyming stuff so I expect it's even more so when I step into the unfamiliar lol..............but fret not, I always return to stuff over time and edit even some of my oldest stuff. So this one is likely to improve with age (unlike old joints lol).............stan

author comment

some guys /gals /men /women /human
love the winter season
some love snow
some dogs do love
to traverse
but never curse…
some snakes love to hibernate
and what's worse
squirrels too love it …
what of winter know you?
in Canada come and see
it’s minus 37
and phew
'tis also cold in US of A
somewhere
you do know
and US ,leads the world
of thaw and snow
all towards them blow!

loved

This poem must be among my worst since not one person has yet equated the end of winter with the end of life.It is the very end of winter when times are hardest and the time of life's ending. oh well, I appreciate your coming by...........stan PS it's a lot different enduring the cold when warmth awaits at home

author comment

love to live in wintry places
many die in the heat of summer
some in autumn too
under the load of autumn leaves ..
..
many in springs
as deep surfing they do
so all seasons are equal
for me and you

perhaps age is catching up with you 222222222222222222222222222222222

loved

I myself was born in late winter. And it's a toss up whether autumn or winter is my favorite season. Yet in the old days when legends were made winter often Was a time of death. Indeed, the Inupiat people often wandered off into the winter when they grew old so as to not burden the tribe. And often the cold of winter drove people into crowded indoors where disease was freer to run rampant. In fact if you'll notice winter is the time of flu which still carries off a lot of people.

So I guess my comparing a favorite time of year with death might not be too far fetched. Of course I also penned "Winter's Song" which shows the other side of winter lol.................stan

author comment

u had in mind the sacrifice of ailing tribes
I thought you were conveying your very own vibes
so i couldn't regrettably take your side
Stan my apology
I can't hide...

loved

No need apologize. If a writer fails to convey what he/she intends it's the writer's fault, not the reader's...........stan

author comment

Now is the Winter of our discontent Etc:
Loved the simplicity of each piece, and know, that there is no hurry to reach out for that Winter that will come to each of us,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

The end of winter will not be too bad as long as the spring is there at its end lol................stan

author comment

I see you walking along with a long white robe on, and at the edge of the end there are flowers of poetry blooming where there were none in front, and when it comes to freestyle poetry you master it well stan, I have only done it after starting with rhyme, and found it's freedom infinitely more like classical music in my mind.

Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I find some subjects better fit for free verse than others. But rhyme still sings to me better than most free verselol.............stan

author comment
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