Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Indifference

Indifference unsheaths its bitter
Sword
As mercy gathers her ruinous
Horde
The joker jests in courts of
Jester
A king he laughs at mistress
Lecture
Envy fancies his moldy coat
As pride recites the songs he
Wrote
Clairvoyance struck blind--
Her vision beneath
As deceit he grins though
Rotton teeth
As doubt drinks from the
Bitter cup
Greed will empty it--then
Fill it up
Vision blinks--eyes full of
Sand
As a lie and fear walk hand
In hand
Forgiveness finds her new
Cold shoulder
As lust instructs the way to
Hold her
Guilt it hides in footsteps
Past
Remorse withdraws--his path
Is cast
Death he hides in sunsets
Shadow
A birth alights upon dawns
Meadow

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I have but one observation at this particular reading.... The pattern on the page is so evenly proportioned it keeps the eye from reading it without a bookmark or ruler. Maybe you would consider grouping lines and providing spaces between groups (stanzas, if you will) at certain intervals, just to aid the eye in reading. Cheers.

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.