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Learning to fly
I am dark and fierce, full of shadow
bolt and lock the inner door
pebble water river poem
heart ease pale distraction
placed in haste totally at random
verbal stepping stones
but where-
to place my feet
my battered thesis curls with dust
academic failure cackles on the floor -
I thought I would be famous
but so ordinary and small
curved around this moment
pictures of the moon, skirts
shirts tumbling clothes, socks
an over pregnant wardrobe
rage purple red and green
births this independent life
name my baby
chaos
a deep kingfisher blue
slow and shimmered slide
your love gift-
silk-
swoons
across the golden carpet-
such a diva
I did not mean to leave you
but I did
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
As most of the regular neopoets know, I am terrible at titles: so let me think about it, help me. I tend to birth and then abandon my poems for a while. This poem is about loss of marriage, giving up study, new independence, uncertainty and other fragments...
Editing stage:
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Comments
Frenchf
Mon, 2013-02-04 13:43
Iloved the images the best being
battered thesis and though the rest portrayed your various visions that alone stands as a great write on its own as follows
battered thesis curls with dust
academic failure crackles to the floor -
famous no more
Jenifer James
Mon, 2013-02-04 16:06
Thank you, Frenchf
glad you like it - I'm still working on this one, sometimes like it, sometimes don't. That's poetry - if it means something you have to keep going. i also wanted a poem which acknowledged that leaving isn't easy.
Jenifer Jaspa James
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