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Linearity
I unraveled my brain
stretched - it - out - in - a - line
it was long
tiny beads of instants
each,
incommunicado
with
all
others
it was
fun until it
got alltangleyandknottedup
again
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Sun, 2013-01-20 09:04
This made me smile
As I read the first stanza my inner fascist scientist screamed "you can't! The brain is a complex gestalt, linearity is anathema to it!"
The second two stanzas made up for it. The concrete poetry aspects
stretched - it - out - in - a - line
and
alltangleyandknottedup
work well.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
brittle light
Mon, 2013-01-21 02:32
thanks, Jess
I have not been around here for awhile. I miss it, and hope to write more soon.
...ups and downs...around and around....
Al
BettyBuff
Sun, 2013-01-20 15:31
clever concrete
Bravo...fun read.
Ells
brittle light
Mon, 2013-01-21 02:33
hello
thank you for your comment...much appreciated
Al
Seren
Sun, 2013-01-20 17:18
brilliant
I thought it was wonderful I can't see anything to add or change
Bravo
Regards Jc x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
brittle light
Mon, 2013-01-21 02:36
hi, Jc
thank you for your generous compliment
Al
Ian.T
Sun, 2013-01-20 18:53
BL
One after my own heart,
or should I dare say Brain,
Mine only stretches a mile,
It stretched a little bit!
This made me smile,
Am having an ex tension put in
Where I worry less lol,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
brittle light
Mon, 2013-01-21 02:39
hello, Ian
it has been awhile! glad you got something from this. It was a very quick write...just trying to get back in the old saddle again... thanks
Al
Ian.T
Mon, 2013-01-21 03:25
Al
Look forward to your future writes as this one adds another facet in our poetry range.
I sometimes try others style when seeing new ways, it is quite refreshing.
Take care Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Frenchf
Mon, 2013-01-21 14:02
Probably extends to the moon and back
all our neurones and axons stretched out and all the bits inbetween that get tangled with Alzheimers
Your knotty bits was Alzheimers to me
brittle light
Tue, 2013-01-22 13:20
Hi
thanks for your thoughts...very much appreciated
Al
brittle light
Tue, 2013-01-22 13:25
hey Ephraim
I like your suggestions...will use them ( I"ll eventually get around to implamenting them)
and thanks for the BiG compliment
Al