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My Stained Glass Heart

Submitted by docmaverick on Sat, 2012-12-22 12:31

Frosted plumes of rhythmic clouds
from a heart that can't abide,
somehow I must erase all previous
days with such high tides.

Confidence cleanly shattered
with a look that's undisturbed,
I sit alone in the cold, cruel night
in a place fate had me lured.

However, her chill relentlessly
seeks refuge in my bones,
the writing on the wall is clearly
adding decibles to my groans.

My "friends" have turned to enemies
I saw with my own eyes!
Manipulated thievery
generously sprinkled with concrete lies.

I rise to light my furnace
and, my limbs creak in dismay;
I need her to release her grip
so, I can face another day.

Trying not to blame her chill
for this storm inside my heart,
I seek instead, her indifference
for her reality's too stark!

Back, wrapped in my Winter blanket
with it's threads showing much wear;
she, coldly has convinced my heart
I can't afford to care!

Plus, those frosted plumes of clouds are
sneaking back outside, for now;
her air seems not for breathing
so, my heart must not allow.

But, I'll find comfort in her silence
and find solace in her cold, pain;
for she showed my "friendships" left my heart
of glass, with quite a stain.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I slept throuh my first one, and recieved a pacemaker. This one yielded no "prize medal"....no blockage, either...this one was emotional. It hurt more, too. doc.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

themoonman

Tue, 2013-01-22 03:19

themoonman's picture
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I do hope you are ok, I didn't realize this was describing
a heart attack until I read your afterward. Even after reading
it I went back to see what I had missed, I believe you might
need more clues here as to content for the reader, unless
it is just me.

Also the rhythm is jumpy, could stand some attention.

hope you are better,

Richard

docmaverick

Tue, 2013-01-22 08:30

docmaverick's picture

...what I was describing was NOT a heart-attack; but rather, how a close friend was having a rough time; I took him in and, he stole of my possessions.......while all the while....helping me look for them ! Crazy "scandalousity !"
It ended up hurting my heart enough that, I DID have another one.
Any way.....
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

themoonman

Tue, 2013-01-22 13:11

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It's terrible to find a friend like that but most of
us have had one or two. I didn't get that either
while reading your poem, although you do mention
the thievery. This poem could be much stronger with
a little clarity for the reader, great subject matter.

Seren

Tue, 2013-01-22 09:14

Seren's picture

A few years ago we took in a mate who was down on his luck he lived with us for seven months all the while stealing from us it hurt me deeply I didn't think I could trust again, but either I'm too soft or a fool we have another friend staying with us atm, he's a top bloke who helps out round the place and is a great house guest ....

I'm sorry this happened to you I hope time can heal both your trust and your heart

Look after yourself ok

Love Jc xxx hugs

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

docmaverick

Wed, 2013-01-23 09:33

docmaverick's picture

...I appreciate you. I believe I'll be alright; except.......today's my birthday, I'm going in for a spinal-tap; then, I'm getting my left eye-ball measured for surgery. A DIFFERENT "friend" beat me up for not knowing how to get a hold of someone else...and, detatched my left retina; plus.....caused scar-tissue that has formed into a healthy cataract !
When it rains, it pours.
Thanx, again;
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Seren

Tue, 2013-01-22 09:49

Seren's picture

Though I could think of better ways to spend your day ... I can't believe someone would beat you like that its disturbing and disgusting ! I hope you had them charged ... If you lived here I would send my boys to look after you not one of them is under 6'4

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))) try and make the best of your day

Love Jc xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

docmaverick

Wed, 2013-01-23 09:35

docmaverick's picture

...spent the day with my dear, 79 year old mother while doing my lab tests. Went to Roll Over Beethoven's Music Store and window shopped, a little. My day was quite peaceful, and most enjoyable. I was with my best friend almost the whole day ! Having a birthday right after th holidays....but, before the next payday is nothing unusual to me after 60 years.
How nice it was to return home to your sweet wishes.
Thanx, for that.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

themoonman

Tue, 2013-01-22 13:14

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Happy Birthday, and perhaps you need a new circle of
friends. Good luck on your surgery man.

docmaverick

Wed, 2013-01-23 09:31

docmaverick's picture

...however, the idiot who beat me wasn't a friend; only the one whom I trusted did any hurtful damage. I'll tell you, though....I moved here because my mom lives up here, in the high desert of southern California...and, I ABSOLUTELY have to get out of this "hood"!
My mom, Toni; used to be a member of Neopoet's first site...and she'd comment all the time. She joined under Antoinette Mari,and even tried her very capable hand @ writing...("Who is that Woman in my Mirror"); however, she lives in a very nice, exclusive area called, Silverlake. Too much for the likes of me, I'm sorry to say....but, I'll find a "nitch".
Thanx, for the well wishes; my friend.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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