Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Who Knows?
...but, my love,
might our twilight years turn brittle and cold
shoulders slumped
the shape of question marks
posing
our fate
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Frenchf
Mon, 2013-01-21 13:52
Wow
The question mark of the bent back with age
Lovely
brittle light
Tue, 2013-01-22 13:06
our first meeting ( if I recall correctly)
so, hello, and thank you for your response
Al
Jenifer James
Tue, 2013-01-22 02:14
Loved this, quite haunting,
Loved this, quite haunting, clever, both sad and gentle.
Jenifer Jaspa James
brittle light
Tue, 2013-01-22 13:08
another first meeting (I think)
hello Jenifer... I am Al
thanks for the gracious comments . I appreciate the feedback
Al
Jenifer James
Wed, 2013-01-23 04:54
Hi al, lovely to meet you,
Hi al, lovely to meet you, and yes, I am quite new.
Jenifer Jaspa James
Seren
Tue, 2013-01-22 06:47
Short but sadly beautiful ...
Short but sadly beautiful ...
Love Jc x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
brittle light
Tue, 2013-01-22 13:15
Jc
thank you for dropping in. We go way back to pre-crash days (you were Seren then). You were the first to comment on any of my poems as I recall.
I still appreciate all your thoughts and time as much as I did back then
thank you
Al
Seren
Fri, 2013-01-25 03:59
Your welcome
I remember when you first started it seems like a lifetime ago pre-crash, the site is getting back to what it used to be and its nice to see some old friends posting makes me place feel more like home
you will see me around and I am sure i will be back to read more I have always enjoyed your work
hugs and love Jayne-Chloe xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
themoonman
Fri, 2013-01-25 17:19
Hi Al,
Who knows indeed, questions everyone has asked
when in a relationship. love this little ditty of yours,
only one little critique, I believe the line " the shape
of question marks" would be stronger ( my opinion
only) if you removed the question mark from the line
" might our twilight years turn brittle and cold? "
thanks for posting
Richard
brittle light
Tue, 2013-02-05 17:30
hey Richard
sorry about the late response, ( I could probably use this as an opening line for most of my replies)
thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed the poem. I have used your suggestion.
I haven't commented often enough on your work...but I always look forward to seeing " Moonman (new)" on the
activity list . Your stuff is always interesting and good.
correspondence is still diffucult for me.
Al