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Flanders

Submitted by Ian.T on Sat, 2013-01-19 19:13

I walked in a foreign land
Where our fruit had fallen
There in rows were crosses
Did our fruit's seed grow these

I dreamt that our fruit,
Had both arms and legs
These had only one leg
Were they from our seed

Did we sow these seeds
Were they cloned or bred true
A near copy of me and you
Why did they reproduce so.

This land is not their home
In this place they have grown
From the loins of us so far away
As a monument of their time..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Probably needs a lot of work, but just had to put it down, while it came through.. Would it be that Saving Private Ryan was on the TV and there were tears, why tears you may ask of me. Because I have lost friends, and the world lost a generation. Some will tell you there was a need, I think that they had to expand Heaven just for them, Yours Ian.T
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Frenchf

Sun, 2013-01-20 07:10

Immortalised by the police in a single line. I think I agree with Jess you could make it an epic but love it so far.

Frenchf

Sun, 2013-01-20 07:24

apologies xxxx
Jess or was it James ?

weirdelf

Mon, 2013-01-21 00:58

weirdelf's picture
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because I read your feedback, Eph, and totally endorse it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Ian.T

Sun, 2013-01-20 07:32

Ian.T's picture
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Thanks for the comments so far whoever they are from lol.
I will edit this piece when time permits. The Great Elf is probably sleeping in his Ice Jacket dripping all over the place lol.
Take care all will sort this one later, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2013-01-21 01:00

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

This could be much better with some work, the potential is definitely there.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

vinnie16

Sun, 2013-01-20 07:38

vinnie16's picture

i really enjoyed reading this

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