Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Sufficiently Breathless

Submitted by docmaverick on Wed, 2012-12-12 07:08

~

Not one thing
can better describe

the essence of a soul's own vibe,

than what prompts a heart to quicken
like a bird's;

~

we've both shared
footprints shadow made

but, sunlit footprints never fade;

love leaves us breathless,
with narry a need for words.

~

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

weirdelf

Sat, 2012-12-15 07:45

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

coudl be better formatted

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

docmaverick

Sat, 2013-01-12 18:44

docmaverick's picture

...is this better suited for your formatting tastes?
This way i'ts a little more, elongated; ya know?
thanx,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

weirdelf

Sun, 2013-01-13 01:23

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

and shake my head. I wasn't very helpful, was I? However this is a good revision in terms of edits and formatting, good job.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.