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ALIVE
Leaves stampede across the ground
fleeing from the winter cold
they scurry with a rustling sound
as last days of the year unfold
They'll each end their sprint somewhere
some might fetch up on a log
others lift into chill air
perhaps they'll land in a deep bog
This winter wind cuts to the bone
turning sedge fields into seas
little wonder I'm alone
few would brave such cold brisk breeze
I fill my lungs with each deep breath
and ignore aches of old stiff bones
traversing this season of death
through forests where the pine trees moan
The few birds overhead near tumble
as they dip and swerve and dive
through gales that make the bare limbs rumble
what a day to be alive!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2013-01-08 03:19
Stan
A great theme of bouncing leaves, wind blown to their own eternity.
A feeling of being alive amidst the recycling of our foliage.
Here we have in our milder fall worms that drag numerous leaves into the ground, funny to see them sticking there proud in their death, knowing they will feed the Earth again..
Good write I enjoyed the read, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Tue, 2013-01-08 17:48
Hi Ian
I was walking along the other day and just realized how a cold wind makes one feel alive lol. Thanks for the visit...................stan
author commentloved
Tue, 2013-01-08 03:48
I was scared
didn't read beyond the title
thank god you are...
loved
scribbler
Tue, 2013-01-08 17:50
LOL
I'll be sure to notify all on site when I schedule croaking lmao.................stan
author commentloved
Tue, 2013-01-08 03:52
ignore aches of old stiff bones
ignore aches of old stiff bones.....
keep ALIVE
still
you are a young man
must know counting beads
at least up to 100
in USA and Canada
snow preserves the human skin and nerves
they all live far longer
ladies rarely die
till they are over 90
and you know why...
loved
scribbler
Tue, 2013-01-08 17:52
Hi loved
If old is how one feels there are days when I'm 40 and others when I'm 140 lol.............stan
author commentsueb
Tue, 2013-01-08 04:36
lovely nature poem can feel
lovely nature poem can feel the chill enjoyed x
scribbler
Tue, 2013-01-08 17:53
hi Sue
I'm pleased you liked it and happy you dropped by...........stan
author commentSeren
Tue, 2013-01-08 08:41
ello bro
You created atmosphere and then took us on a chilly brisk walk ... It was 40 degrees here today I wish I was there in the cool ... A great poem I thoughly enjoyed
Love Jc xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
scribbler
Tue, 2013-01-08 17:55
Hi Jayne
Yeah, I expect this came as a relief for ya'll down yonder where it's mid-summer. Appreciate your visit and you take care...................stan
author comment