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PROVIDENCE

Submitted by t. reflexion on Sat, 2012-12-22 22:21

Clad like a combatant set for battle
Raffia palm poised for a gift from Bacchus
Standing nearby with neither hand nor leg
The coconut is happy where it stands
It goes to the stream to fill up the pots
The sweet water was there before the rain
Saccharine cool, not minding the sun

Who drives flies away for the tailless cow?
The body trembles to shake off prowlers
The tailless cow seems to accept its fate
Not that it was born without extension
Birds neither sow nor reap, yet they are fed
We worry about what to wolf and when
Providence has a way with an orphan

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Tue, 2013-01-08 03:04

Ian.T's picture
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This one needs to be expanded, more information of the theme, and a clearer picture on the overall poem.
You are making what seems to be a list of things, they need to flow from one to the other, Jazz them up a little, rap is OK but you have to catch every word, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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