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Bacterial haiku

Was my sore throat you?
head to toe ? Or gym bacteria
Either way twas worth it

Last few words: 
Experimenting with haiku. Did I get it right?
Editing stage: 

Comments

traditional haiku is 5-7-5
this is
9-7-7

But I don't pay much attention to the traditional count, which doesn't translate exactly from the way Japanese is spoken anyway. Still, the point is to say as much as possible in as few words as possible, so this could use some editing.

Traditional haiku makes a philosophical point generally using one of the seasons of the year. When it is about human quirkyness it is called Senryu

Again, though, I love your style.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Altered and thanks

author comment

I'll work on it xxx

author comment

in these very concise forms, isn't there?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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