Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

EKAETTE

Ekaette, rounded and complete
Paragon of African beauty
A lone daughter of Monsieur Morgan
Adored by many as a model
He was the father I never had

Ekaette, lady to the core
Cool and calculated in her ways
Groups regretted you weren’t a man
But you looked after your father’s house
Cared for the sick and raised their spirits

Ekaette, Florence Nightingale
A guiding seraph when in dire need
Mere seeing you, I fantasized love
I was shy and young to say the word
You were at hand, like my real sister

Suddenly, asthma stopped short your breathe
Warmth and presence followed your absence
Cover of the night passed on grief
Dry cold wind blows on the fireplace
From the red earth of your greenly recline

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Now you are beginning to sort out the rythme of your writes, I shall leave the real technical bits to those that know.
Your works are getting better and better, just put a "D" on the end of win in the last but one line.
I loved the story, well done on this one,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you for the comments and for all your encouragement, best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.